Chapter 7: Facades and Phone Calls
Sophia entered the cafeteria Tuesday. Lunchtime buzzed around her. She saw Adam first. That free moment allowed her to observe without self consciousness. His thick unkempt hair, a little too long in the front, hung down past his right eye. His skull earring glinted sporadically from his left earlobe. A thin line of a chain hung around his neck and under his shirt. Today it was a U2 T-shirt – all black with a small U2 insignia in the upper right corner peeking out from behind his Yankees jacket. The skull with crossbones buckle held the waist of his baggy jeans too low. His Vans dragged along the ground with each step, the heels scuffing the bottoms of his pants which were tattered and stringy.
Sophia knew better than to trust his outer display. She felt she knew him better after her musical experience last night. No matter how she tried she could not got back to her first impressions of him (some goth loser). His clothes, his look, were just a look, just a façade. Yes. Some things he displayed were a weak attempt at showing who he was, like the “Momma’s boy” pin on his backpack, but there was more. Opinions and experiences which were rarely outwardly expressed, were inwardly crucial to his being.
She suspected his vulnerability, and his broken heart which he carefully insulated against any further hurt. Sophia’s compassionate heart wanted to help him. But who am I to help him? she wondered.
I’m no better than he, she thought, looking down at her own personal façade. Her good comfortable tennis shoes on her feet, her JCPenney brand jeans, and her blue layered long sleeved tees said something about her. Did it say that she preferred comfort over fashion? Or was it more than that? She wondered what Adam saw in her appearance. Did she really look like a ‘goody goody’ to him. She hoped he wasn’t that superficial. What made people think she was a ‘goody goody’ besides her appearance? It had to be her words and actions. She chose to act and speak differently than other students. She tried to blend in, but from her perspective it was hard to tell how much she stood out. Was it the fact that she stood out that made Adam take notice? Or was it just ‘her eyes’ that attracted him? Maybe he didn’t know why he was drawn to her. Guys weren’t that objective were they?
She found herself with a tray of food sitting smashed between Bonnie and Audrey, both saxophone players. She didn’t realize she was still staring at Adam until he met her gaze across the expanse. Self-consciousness washed over her, and she looked down quickly. She couldn’t explain her shyness around Adam. It wasn’t like Adam knew her inner secrets. Maybe shy that now he knew she knew more about him. Now she would be expected to respond. It was her turn to express, share, to pull away her façade.
Sophia could feel Adam’s gaze on her as she picked at her food. She dared a look up and he was ten feet closer, and coming towards her. She quickly glanced to both sides of her wondering about Bonnie’s and Audrey’s thoughts as they watched him sit down next to Lucy, fellow flutist, who sat directly across from Sophia.
“Hey!” Adam said with his dimpled smile.
“Hey!” Sophia suddenly felt tense, and unable to express herself adequately to Adam with all her friends around. She could tell Adam sensed the tension as she watched him silently pick up his drink, put it to his lips, swallow, set the bottle carefully down, eye each girl surrounding Sophia and bite his bottom lip.
“So how’s the food?” Adam asked quickly twisting the cap on his Gatorade.
“It’s fine,” Sophia managed.
Adam took another swallow and set the bottle down. He looked at her waiting for more.
“How’s the Gatorade?” Sophia asked.
Adam held up the bottle to examine its contents. He looked at her and stated deadpan, “It’s red.” Then, a small grin slowly twisted up one side of his mouth. His grin was contagious. Sophia couldn’t keep her straight face much longer and her smile began to spread.
Lucy looked back and forth at the two of them who appeared to be in on some joke and asked, “What’s so funny?”
Sophia tried to straighten her face. “Oh nothing. It’s nothing really.” Sophia forced the focus away from herself. “So Lucy, what’s new with you these days?” Sorry Adam, she thought, it’s going to have to wait.
Sophia kept the conversation to band practice. Bonnie picked up on that topic easily adding her opinion of whose antics were the most entertaining during band practice that morning discussing who acted funny, and who acted just plain dumb. Adam patiently listened while he sipped his red Gatorade.
The lunch bell rang and Sophia stood up quickly with Adam following her lead. In moments they had both made their way into the crowded hallway. They sighed simultaneously.
“Sorry,” Sophia said.
“That’s ok,” Adam said. “Lunch is sometimes not the best…” He ran his fingers through his stubborn hair.
“I know what you mean,” Sophia commiserated. Their eyes met uncomfortably for a moment before they both faced forward into the menagerie of students who pushed and jostled this way and that.
Adam looked at Sophia again, searching her eyes. “I was wondering if I could talk to you somewhere else.” Sophia looked at him, unsure. He was being so vague…and nervous! That just wasn’t like him.
Adam continued, “I…I mean I was wondering if I could talk to you, like, on the phone, for example.”
Sophia had a feeling that was coming. “Um, let me just get to my locker,” she replied. Whatever that meant. Like her locker would give her the answer to his question. Sophia took her turn with being vague.
Adam followed her towards her locker, which at this moment she unfortunately shared with Bonnie who was unfortunately there already. How could that be? Sophia tried to blink Bonnie away. Didn’t Sophia leave before Bonnie? Somehow time always got warped when she was with Adam. Bonnie did not blink away into oblivion. Sophia had to come up with a plan B. Think think think! What harm would it do? Would he really call her? What would she say? Just give it to him. But what if what if what if…? Sophia’s brain trembled.
Adam stopped walking, and Sophia followed suit. “If you don’t want me to call,” Adam said, “I understand. You don’t know me that well, it’s ok. I’ll see you around.” Adam turned to head down an adjacent hallway.
“Oh no! Wait!” Sophia reached out her hand and grabbed his arm. Adam turned back surprised. Sophia nervously talked with her hands, “I don’t mean to put you off. I guess I…you just took me off guard, that’s all… of course you can call me.”
Adam’s face softened into a smile. “Great!” He quickly slung his backpack off his shoulders unzipped it and pulled out a notebook with a pencil jabbed into the spiral binding.
“It’s 277-5938,” Sophia said watching Adam scratch the numbers down.
Sophia felt a pat on the back, and she nearly jumped out of her skin. “I’ll see you in chemistry,” said Bonnie.
“Yeah, see you.” Sophia sighed dreading the personal quiz Bonnie would be giving her in chemistry.
Surprisingly, Bonnie didn't say a word to Sophia about Adam in chemistry. She was actually strangely quiet. Usually they exchanged whispered comments, or facial expressions throughout class. It was the only class, Sophia would get reprimanded by the teacher, for talking in class. She just couldn't help it. Her best friend was finally in a class with her this year. It was amazing how that affected her attitude about a class. She actually enjoyed chemistry, and held a low A in the class.
But today, she wasn't able to make eye contact with her. Bonnie was absently scribbling on her notebook. Sophia squinted. Was that a heart she was drawing, with letters inside it? No way! Bonnie sensed Sophia's gaze and finally looked up. She slapped a hand over her scribbling. Sophia looked away and pretended not to notice, but saw from the corner of her eye, Bonnie sliding her pen under her hand and scribbling over the top of the heart.
The television volume was up a little too much. Lilly and Grant sprawled on the floor watching after school tv. Sophia sat on the couch with her trigonometry book open, mechanical pencil in hand, and her eyes on the screen. She only wanted too much to be distracted from her math. Some days she enjoyed it, and some days it felt pointless to her. Right now, she needed as much distraction as possible. She wondered if and when Adam might call. She had much on her mind that needed to be said to Adam, but how? A door slamming flipped Sophia's attention to the kitchen area. Sophia's Dad arrived home and entered the kitchen where Annie was discussing with her mom details of the Halloween party.
"How many people have you invited to this party you are having here, Annie?" Sophia's Mom asked concerned, as she unloaded groceries.
"Just a few close friends, that's all," Annie shrugged.
"More like a few dozen close friends," Sophia interjected over the the noisy tv. Annie squinted back at her. Sophia raised her eyebrows warningly.
"They probably won't all come" Annie added reasuringly,"and since it's Halloween night, they'll be staggered, you know, coming and going. Don't worry Mom." Annie spoke with her hands. Sophia smiled, Annie always did that when she was trying to be convincing.
"But asking for more money for refreshments, is out of the question, unless you don't mind going without dinner for a week." Sophia's mom held up a jar of spaghetti sauce for added effect.
"Ok ok. We'll just have to get our friends to bring food," Annie said flattening her hands on the kitchen counter.
"Good idea," replied her mom.
"And remember", Sophia's Dad added, "house rules are still in force when your friends are here. Bad language will send your friends straight home. No shoes on the carpet. And party ends at 11."
"But dad!"
"I have given you a lot of leeway with this party," informed her dad. "I'm not trying to make your life miserable, I just want you and your friends to be safe. Several of your friends' parents have already called to be sure their kids will be safe with us here. So far we're well trusted and I'd like to keep it that way, don't you?"
Annie nodded. Her mind was already onto other things. Sophia knew her sister all too well. She was a punctual organized socialite. And if she couldn't pay for all the necessary junk food for the party she would get on the phone this minute and call all her friends to bring food. Annie walked straight to the drawer with the phone books and pulled out several, grabbed the phone and headed to her room.
"Oh great," mumbled Sophia. Who knew how long she would be on the phone, and would she pick up on the call waiting, or ignore it? Probably ignore it, her business was all too important. Ugh, why did her parents have to be in the dark ages about communicating? They only had one phone line at home, and only her dad had a cell phone, a work cell phone. But fortunately they had high speed internet. Unfortunately, the computer was usually occupied by Lucas or her dad, that she could hardly get one email sent. At this moment the computer was vacant. Here was her chance. But, it wasn't like she had Adam's email address anyway. Sophia would just have to bide her time.
On second thought, maybe it was better this way, that she couldn't talk to Adam now anyway. It would be best to get her homework done and out of the way, before awaiting Adam's call. Sophia decided to try to really focus on her math. Maybe it would make the time go by quicker. She picked up her stuff and headed to her room. She noticed Lucas' door was shut, and she knew he was in there diligently doing his homework. Maybe she should follow his example more often, Sophia thought.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Chapter 6 Music Education Part 2
Chapter 6 Music Education Part 2
All weekend, whenever Sophia thought of the Halloween party, she thought of Adam. She thought of the Halloween party often because Annie kept talking about it while putting together a dance-song list on her computer, and demanded that Sophia help with making decorations, and trying to decide what to costume to wear, the cute cheerleader, or the 70’s rock star. And when she thought of Adam, her stomach pinched. It’s just a party, she told herself. Why am I so worried about Adam being there anyway? So everytime her stomach pinched, she’d breath in deeply, and while exhaling, repeat the words ‘Party’s are fun. Party’s are fun.’”
Everyday of the next school week, Adam found Sophia at lunch and sat with her. Sophia didn’t’ really think it was the other way around. He definitely liked her enough to sit with her everyday. But she hadn’t thought much about her own feelings…yet. Sometimes they just talked about random stuff, other times it was more serious, or even funny. But one thing that punctuated each meeting was the discussion of music and politics. Sophia had never thought the two ever really meshed until she was first introduced to Adam’s music. Monday, when he sat down across from her the first thing he did was hand her an envelope with a shiny disc inside labeled: Sophia’s Rock Ed. 1. She would’ve preferred to re-label it ‘Adam’s Music’; she would never own up to having any kind of association with his so-called music. She took it from Adam like it was mud, not sure if she would ever dare listen to it. Adam changed her mind when he confessed that he spent four hours Sunday night burning the disc for her.
You didn’t have to do that, Sophia refuted.
It was no big deal, I was already listening to the music, I thought, heck I’ll just burn a disc while I’m at it.” Sophia knew it was more than that. “You better listen to it. I’ll be quizzing you on lyrics tomorrow,” Adam teased.
“Oh, thanks. One more assignment,” Sophia teased back.
“It won’t feel like homework, I promise.”
That night after dinner with her chaotic family, after homework, and one hour of trumpet practice, Sophia knew she couldn’t put it off any longer. Sophia pulled the disc from the envelope and thoughtfully snapped it into her walkman. She put on her headphones and turned down the volume in anticipation. Her heart beat a little faster, thinking that all while Adam recorded these songs, he was probably thinking of her. She turned the envelope over and read Adam’s handwritten playlist:
Kashmir - Led Zeppelin
Highway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin
U2 – I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
Bulls on Parade – R.A.M.
Settle For Nothing – R.A.M.
Down On the Street – R.A.M.
Be Yourself - Audioslave
The Led Zeppelin songs were surprisingly good. Sophie could tell this band had talent. Kashmir had an orchestra playing in the background and she could see how Adam would recommend this song for her band to play. All the instruments pulsed in unison to the beat of the song.
Highway to Heaven held a melancholy feel, but she still liked it. It pulled at her emotions. The next three were R.A.M. She didn’t enjoy them much, though she thought it interesting that their style was a mix of rap with metal. It held nothing for her. She wondered why Adam liked Rage. She tried harder to listen to the lyrics, and as she did, she gained some insight into the workings of Adam’s thoughts. Bulls on Parade was the most political song about an unnamed government using terrorism to gain military power. That was a little scary. She would have to ask Adam more about that one. But the next one troubled her. And as she listened she could almost visualize Adam yelling out those lyrics. The artist yelled about pain in his home, of hatred being passed down from one generation to the next. He spoke of never knowing his father, and how he tried to hold onto his family but he slipped away from them with no one to catch his fall. Something about Adam came disturbingly into focus. She wondered how much of that song could be true about Adam’s life. The next song began, breaking up Sophia’s thoughts.
The fast energy driven beat began and the guy rapped about being lost in love with a supposed beauty who many people craved to look at. He was lost in love with a girl he didn’t know but admired from a distance. Sophia wondered skeptically how you could be in love with a girl you don’t even know. You’d only be in love with her looks. A curiousity nudged her. No way! But maybe, just maybe Adam felt that way about Sophia. But the song wasn’t accurate. It’s not like tons of guys were admiring her from afar. Well, at least not from her perspective. But maybe, just maybe from Adam’s perspective, it was nearly impossible for him to vie for her attention.
She placed her hands on her cheeks and realized she was slightly flushed. She laughed in disbelief. She actually felt flattered about such a possibility…and slightly embarrassed about feeling flattered.
On to the next song, she murmured.
Something softer, more melodious began on cue. A man with a deep edgy, soul searching voice, sang about life’s challenges, particularly in the love category. During the chorus he provided his solution to deal with those challenges. Repeated several times came the phrase, be yourself, just be yourself. Sophia nodded her head in agreement. She tried to stay true ot herself as much as possible. But was that really what Adam felt? Did he feel he was being himself by adhereing to a particular look? Did he think he could win love, maybe her love, by being himself? Oh, well, there would be other times to figure that out.
Sophia threw off the headphones and tossed the songlist Frisbee style across the space between her bed and desk. It landed onto her desk, and she took a deep breath. She realized she was overanalyzing the songs Adam chose. That wasn’t being very fair to Adam. But at the same time, these songs had to have some sort of meaning for him, or else why did he like them and make the extra effort to burn them onto a disc for her? She felt a knot forming in her chest. A truer picture of Adam was coming together for her, like the pieces of a puzzle completing the view.
If Adam was truly suffering, and searching for some answers, she knew she could give him those answers. Her compassion urged her to provide life’s answers to Adam, if he would accept. The only problem was she didn’t know exactly how to go about doing that. She was trying to get to know him better, to try to expose him to her ‘good’ Mormon friends. Inviting him to the party was a start, but it was just a start. She realized that she would have to gain his trust too. She wanted him to know that she was hanging out with him because she wanted to be his friend not just be his missionary.
Another question bothered her. Was Adam consciously looking to her for answers, or was there more? All the signs seemed to lead to one conclusion, that she would have to realize soon. Adam liked her. But she didn’t want to let on to him that she knew it. Then she would have to decide how she felt about him. She just wasn’t ready for that. She was still heartbroken over Jared. Every night at 9 she’d think of Jared, because that was when he would call, like clockwork. It was an old habit she hadn’t broken yet.
Sophia yawned and looked at the clock. “11:15” glowed bright red. Sophia sat up, pulled the elastic from her ponytail, and shook her brown hair out. She shot the elastic across the room onto the desk bumping into the songlist. She squinted reading the words on the card one last time before climbing into bed. She didn’t recognize the titles and walked over to pick it up. She realized there were five more songs listed on the back of the card; quite different from the previous songs…fortunately.
She was pleasantly surprised that the last five were classical. So he does have some refined taste, she thought. She put her headphones back on and lay comfortably on her bed to relax with Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata, Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring and Ave Maria, Debussy’s Claire de Lune, and Tchaikovsky’s None But the Lonely Heart. All love songs, she concluded with a smile as she drifted off to sleep.
Sophia sat next to Adam at a picnic table. But they weren’t at school, they were at the stadium near the concessions. No one was around, the game had ended, everyone had gone home. It was very dark outside, except for an emergency light which shone down eerily over the two of them. Adam looked at her. He opened his mouth. Words spilled out exposing his painful childhood, but she couldn’t hear what he was telling her. What did you say? she asked. It doesn’t matter. What matters is I need you. A tear fell from one of his black eyes. She felt so sorry for him. She took his hand. He leaned closer to her. She closed her eyes and waited for him to kiss her….
“Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.” The sound didn’t make sense to her at first. She cuoldn’t find where the sound was coming from. It annoyed her that she couldn’t open her eyes to look for it. Layer upon layer of consciousness unfolded and Sophia finally opened her eyes. She lifted her head off the pillow and threw her hand down on the snooze button. She dropped her head back down on the pillow, and noticed the dampness. She unstuck her pajamas from her sweaty body. She pulled up her hair which clung moistly to her neck.
Relief washed over her. The dream had felt so real. She truly felt sorry for him. But the unsettling part was her undoubting acceptance of Adam and her willingness to kiss him. How could she just let him kiss her? It was like other dreams she had where she was smoking a cigarette or drinking some beer, or walking in public in her underwear and there was nothing wrong with it. She had never done any of these things in her life and never planned on it. Dreams could be so odd. You could do all sorts of things without feeling ashamed or guilty. That is until you woke up. She actually felt guilty about letting him kiss her out of pity for him rather than waiting to explore her own feelings for him first, even though it never really happened. But it could, she decided.
All weekend, whenever Sophia thought of the Halloween party, she thought of Adam. She thought of the Halloween party often because Annie kept talking about it while putting together a dance-song list on her computer, and demanded that Sophia help with making decorations, and trying to decide what to costume to wear, the cute cheerleader, or the 70’s rock star. And when she thought of Adam, her stomach pinched. It’s just a party, she told herself. Why am I so worried about Adam being there anyway? So everytime her stomach pinched, she’d breath in deeply, and while exhaling, repeat the words ‘Party’s are fun. Party’s are fun.’”
Everyday of the next school week, Adam found Sophia at lunch and sat with her. Sophia didn’t’ really think it was the other way around. He definitely liked her enough to sit with her everyday. But she hadn’t thought much about her own feelings…yet. Sometimes they just talked about random stuff, other times it was more serious, or even funny. But one thing that punctuated each meeting was the discussion of music and politics. Sophia had never thought the two ever really meshed until she was first introduced to Adam’s music. Monday, when he sat down across from her the first thing he did was hand her an envelope with a shiny disc inside labeled: Sophia’s Rock Ed. 1. She would’ve preferred to re-label it ‘Adam’s Music’; she would never own up to having any kind of association with his so-called music. She took it from Adam like it was mud, not sure if she would ever dare listen to it. Adam changed her mind when he confessed that he spent four hours Sunday night burning the disc for her.
You didn’t have to do that, Sophia refuted.
It was no big deal, I was already listening to the music, I thought, heck I’ll just burn a disc while I’m at it.” Sophia knew it was more than that. “You better listen to it. I’ll be quizzing you on lyrics tomorrow,” Adam teased.
“Oh, thanks. One more assignment,” Sophia teased back.
“It won’t feel like homework, I promise.”
That night after dinner with her chaotic family, after homework, and one hour of trumpet practice, Sophia knew she couldn’t put it off any longer. Sophia pulled the disc from the envelope and thoughtfully snapped it into her walkman. She put on her headphones and turned down the volume in anticipation. Her heart beat a little faster, thinking that all while Adam recorded these songs, he was probably thinking of her. She turned the envelope over and read Adam’s handwritten playlist:
Kashmir - Led Zeppelin
Highway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin
U2 – I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
Bulls on Parade – R.A.M.
Settle For Nothing – R.A.M.
Down On the Street – R.A.M.
Be Yourself - Audioslave
The Led Zeppelin songs were surprisingly good. Sophie could tell this band had talent. Kashmir had an orchestra playing in the background and she could see how Adam would recommend this song for her band to play. All the instruments pulsed in unison to the beat of the song.
Highway to Heaven held a melancholy feel, but she still liked it. It pulled at her emotions. The next three were R.A.M. She didn’t enjoy them much, though she thought it interesting that their style was a mix of rap with metal. It held nothing for her. She wondered why Adam liked Rage. She tried harder to listen to the lyrics, and as she did, she gained some insight into the workings of Adam’s thoughts. Bulls on Parade was the most political song about an unnamed government using terrorism to gain military power. That was a little scary. She would have to ask Adam more about that one. But the next one troubled her. And as she listened she could almost visualize Adam yelling out those lyrics. The artist yelled about pain in his home, of hatred being passed down from one generation to the next. He spoke of never knowing his father, and how he tried to hold onto his family but he slipped away from them with no one to catch his fall. Something about Adam came disturbingly into focus. She wondered how much of that song could be true about Adam’s life. The next song began, breaking up Sophia’s thoughts.
The fast energy driven beat began and the guy rapped about being lost in love with a supposed beauty who many people craved to look at. He was lost in love with a girl he didn’t know but admired from a distance. Sophia wondered skeptically how you could be in love with a girl you don’t even know. You’d only be in love with her looks. A curiousity nudged her. No way! But maybe, just maybe Adam felt that way about Sophia. But the song wasn’t accurate. It’s not like tons of guys were admiring her from afar. Well, at least not from her perspective. But maybe, just maybe from Adam’s perspective, it was nearly impossible for him to vie for her attention.
She placed her hands on her cheeks and realized she was slightly flushed. She laughed in disbelief. She actually felt flattered about such a possibility…and slightly embarrassed about feeling flattered.
On to the next song, she murmured.
Something softer, more melodious began on cue. A man with a deep edgy, soul searching voice, sang about life’s challenges, particularly in the love category. During the chorus he provided his solution to deal with those challenges. Repeated several times came the phrase, be yourself, just be yourself. Sophia nodded her head in agreement. She tried to stay true ot herself as much as possible. But was that really what Adam felt? Did he feel he was being himself by adhereing to a particular look? Did he think he could win love, maybe her love, by being himself? Oh, well, there would be other times to figure that out.
Sophia threw off the headphones and tossed the songlist Frisbee style across the space between her bed and desk. It landed onto her desk, and she took a deep breath. She realized she was overanalyzing the songs Adam chose. That wasn’t being very fair to Adam. But at the same time, these songs had to have some sort of meaning for him, or else why did he like them and make the extra effort to burn them onto a disc for her? She felt a knot forming in her chest. A truer picture of Adam was coming together for her, like the pieces of a puzzle completing the view.
If Adam was truly suffering, and searching for some answers, she knew she could give him those answers. Her compassion urged her to provide life’s answers to Adam, if he would accept. The only problem was she didn’t know exactly how to go about doing that. She was trying to get to know him better, to try to expose him to her ‘good’ Mormon friends. Inviting him to the party was a start, but it was just a start. She realized that she would have to gain his trust too. She wanted him to know that she was hanging out with him because she wanted to be his friend not just be his missionary.
Another question bothered her. Was Adam consciously looking to her for answers, or was there more? All the signs seemed to lead to one conclusion, that she would have to realize soon. Adam liked her. But she didn’t want to let on to him that she knew it. Then she would have to decide how she felt about him. She just wasn’t ready for that. She was still heartbroken over Jared. Every night at 9 she’d think of Jared, because that was when he would call, like clockwork. It was an old habit she hadn’t broken yet.
Sophia yawned and looked at the clock. “11:15” glowed bright red. Sophia sat up, pulled the elastic from her ponytail, and shook her brown hair out. She shot the elastic across the room onto the desk bumping into the songlist. She squinted reading the words on the card one last time before climbing into bed. She didn’t recognize the titles and walked over to pick it up. She realized there were five more songs listed on the back of the card; quite different from the previous songs…fortunately.
She was pleasantly surprised that the last five were classical. So he does have some refined taste, she thought. She put her headphones back on and lay comfortably on her bed to relax with Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata, Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring and Ave Maria, Debussy’s Claire de Lune, and Tchaikovsky’s None But the Lonely Heart. All love songs, she concluded with a smile as she drifted off to sleep.
Sophia sat next to Adam at a picnic table. But they weren’t at school, they were at the stadium near the concessions. No one was around, the game had ended, everyone had gone home. It was very dark outside, except for an emergency light which shone down eerily over the two of them. Adam looked at her. He opened his mouth. Words spilled out exposing his painful childhood, but she couldn’t hear what he was telling her. What did you say? she asked. It doesn’t matter. What matters is I need you. A tear fell from one of his black eyes. She felt so sorry for him. She took his hand. He leaned closer to her. She closed her eyes and waited for him to kiss her….
“Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.” The sound didn’t make sense to her at first. She cuoldn’t find where the sound was coming from. It annoyed her that she couldn’t open her eyes to look for it. Layer upon layer of consciousness unfolded and Sophia finally opened her eyes. She lifted her head off the pillow and threw her hand down on the snooze button. She dropped her head back down on the pillow, and noticed the dampness. She unstuck her pajamas from her sweaty body. She pulled up her hair which clung moistly to her neck.
Relief washed over her. The dream had felt so real. She truly felt sorry for him. But the unsettling part was her undoubting acceptance of Adam and her willingness to kiss him. How could she just let him kiss her? It was like other dreams she had where she was smoking a cigarette or drinking some beer, or walking in public in her underwear and there was nothing wrong with it. She had never done any of these things in her life and never planned on it. Dreams could be so odd. You could do all sorts of things without feeling ashamed or guilty. That is until you woke up. She actually felt guilty about letting him kiss her out of pity for him rather than waiting to explore her own feelings for him first, even though it never really happened. But it could, she decided.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Chapter 5 Music Education Part 1
Chapter 5 Music Education Part 1
The brass musical energy, mallets reverberating on base drums, and snares staccato echoing rose over the field to meet head on the cheers emitting from the stadium. One hundred uniform bodies moved in synch to create swirls and transforming pictures across the field. Twirling black red and white striped flags painted moving color at points in space like colorful twinkling stars. Two figures emerged from the formations gathering the crowd’s attention as they marched toward the stands. The pair stopped beside the drum major, whose hands rigidly punched out the beat. The figures flashed their shining trumpets in unison. A fast paced duo began at a high note and then gradually descended in a jazzlike rhythm, ending on two harmonizing high notes and cutting off with a squeal. Goose bumps rose on Sophia’s arms and neck as she turned an about face alongside Ian as they blended back into the formation. Screams erupted forth in competition with the music. Sophia’s heart pounded with excitement to the beat of the base drums. This is what it was all about.
After their halftime show, all the band members bounced around like Mexican jumping beans, still giddy and hyper. As the band seated themselves back in the cold bleachers, Mr. Maxwell bragged to the group about their performance. He was proud of the fact that most of the crowd stayed in the bleachers to watch the halftime show. In his eyes, that was an accomplishment.
“You all did a great job tonight,” Mr. Maxwell praised through his megaphone. “Did you see how full the stands were tonight?”
Someone from the band yelled, “Yeah! We rock!” The rest of the band responded with hoots, whistles, and clapping.
“You’re free to go. Be back in your seats in fifteen minutes for 3rd quarter,” Mr. Maxwell finished. It was a chilly night and many wore orange band jackets over their uniforms. The bulkiness of the jackets over the uniforms reminded Sophia of orange beetles, very talented but ugly beetles. She chuckled. Something about the chill crisp air, breathed energy into Sophia reddening her cheeks and brightening her eyes.
It reminded her of about a year ago in this stadium, probably in this exact location she guessed, when she first talked to Jared. . . He had been sitting behind her, and accidentally bumped her with the bell of his tuba while trying to pick up his sheet music.
Jiminy crickets! Are you ok? He asked, full of concern in his voice.
Um, yeah, I’m fine. Sophia rubbed her head.
It’s Sophia, right?
Yeah, and you’re Jared.
I can run and get you some ice.
Oh no thanks
I’m a clumsy oaf, two left feet and two right hands.
Sophia smiled thinking of that incident was quite common of Jared, now she knew him better. A little dorky, but sweet and thoughtful. She admired his ability to laugh at his own awkwardness. To be able to laugh at oneself was a great life survival skill. One, Sophia hadn’t quite mastered. A dull ache began to grow in her chest. She couldn’t deny that she still missed him.
Sophia shook her head, shaking the thought away. Bonnie and Annie, climbed the steps up to Sophia. “Do you have any cash Sophia, I wanna get nachos,” Annie asked.
"I only have a five," Sophia replied digging into the pocket of her orange beetle jacket.
"Will you share them with me?
"Ok, but we gotta hurry."
" I gotta go to the bathroom so bad," Bonnie exclaimed. "I’ve been waiting this whole game. Will you come with me Sophia?"
The three girls hurried off towards the concessions.
Sophia sat on the end of her bench with five minutes to spare before third quarter. She noticed a familiar face from the top of the stands and looking right at her with his deep set eyes. He wore a sports jacket and saggy jeans with the trademark chain drooping from one pocket. His black hair rustled in the slight breeze. Something about the stadium lights’ reflection on his face with the starry black night as his backdrop seemed fitting. Under the obvious face lay the mystery which by night awoke, like the stars opening their winking eyes as the sun begins to slumber. She felt like a different person here at the game than back at school. She felt a certain dead conformity within those cinder block walls. But, here, out in the open, she felt the electricity, the energy from the hundreds of people in the stands, all connected, all focused on the same goal: winning…or maybe just having fun.
She couldn’t help but smile up at him despite their recent awkward conversation. Maybe she could blame the school for making her feel tense all the time. But she was not at school now, and she was relaxed, she was fun and giddy and spontaneous. She scooted to her right and patted the vacated space of bench.
Adam raised his eyebrows slightly, a smile still on his face.
“Yeah, I know. It’s against the rules,” she said, “but, there’s a few minutes still till second half.”
Thanks.” Adam sat down close to her. The scent of his aftershave wafted on the cool air. She couldn’t help but stare at him for a moment longer. The stadium lights illuminated the left side of his face, while casting a dark shadow over his right side, emphasizing the smile-induced dimple in his cheek.
"Hey you were awesome out there!" He raised his hand to give her a high five. She raised her gloved hand as he hit it with a muffled slap.
"So, do you come to football games often?"
"No, but I came to see for myself what all the talk was about."
"It’s all talk if you ask me. Our team isn’t that great, but I think it’s still fun."
"No. I meant you."
"Me?"
“The energy, the emotion, from that um…that double trumpet…"
"The duo?"
"Yeah! It’s like a totally different side of you I haven’t met. It was way cool.” True, it was a productive channel to all her pent up frustration. Among all the other things in her life, this one she could truly say she was confident at. The rest fell by the wayside; the awkward self-defeating, shy procrastinator could easily hide behind that shiny trumpet and transform her into a confident, talented performer.
"It’s fun. .. but only if you play well.” Sophia said trying to play down his compliments. “If we all played really badly, that would’ve sucked. The bleachers would’ve been empty. I’m trying to break away from the nerdy dorky band player stigma.” Sophia laughed at herself.
“How do you do it?”
“Lot’s of practice.”
"You guys are what is exciting about this game. The rest of us would be bored out of our skulls without you."
"Thanks. I’m glad you agree with me!"
"No problem. I only have one piece of advice that would make it better," said Adam.
"What?"
"You would totally rock if you all played 'Kashmir' by Led Zepplin, his eyes twinkling.
Sophia stared blankly at him. “Kashmir?”
"What? You’ve never heard it?” Adam asked in dismay.
“Sorry”
“What about Highway to Heaven?”
"That one sounds familiar."
“Good, you‘ve heard good music at least once.”
“Hey!” Sophia mock punched Adam in the arm.
“Just kidding.” Adam smiled rocking back.
“What is good music to you anyway, AC/DC?”
"No, my required listening is from Rage Against the Machine, Pink Floyd, Guns and Roses, and of course Led Zepplin, just to name a few. It’s all on my MP3 player.”
“That’s nice,” Sophia stated flatly.
“What? You don’t like my taste in music?”
“I don’t know, just never listened to those groups.”
“You probably have on the radio, just never knew their names.”
“Probably.”
“It sounds like you need to be educated in rock n’ roll. What better person to teach you than me?” Adam asked.
“I don’t really need to be educated, thank you,” Sophia replied. Adam acted as if he didn’t hear her, and reached down into his jacket pocket to pull out an MP3 player.
“It’ll be just a minute and I’ll put a playlist together for you.” As Adam fiddled with the buttons, Ian, fellow trumpeter, nudged Sophia from the other side.
“Who’s the dude?”
“Adam Goodwin.”
Ian nodded his head and mouthed, “your boyfriend.”
“No!” Sophia whispered loudly.
“Uh huh, uh huh. Yep. You say lies.”
“Like you have room to talk. I saw you holding hands with that red-head girl, what’s her name, Ronda?”
How…?
I do have eyes you know.
Ian shook his head for a moment.“Ok, you win. Girls always win,” Ian said throwing up his hands in defeat.
“It’s because we’re right,” Sophia smirked.
“Because boys let them be right, or they get the boot,” said Ian.
“So Ronda is always right huh?” Sophia teased.
“None of your business.”
“As is Adam,” Sophia refuted.
“Ok, truce.” Ian held out his hand.
“Agreed.” Sophia took his hand and shook it.
Mr. Maxwell spoke through the megaphone. “We Will Rock You! In one minute.” Sophia turned her head to look at Adam who looked up at her knowingly.
I suppose this is where I exit. He stood dramatically with a flourish of his arm.
“I still want to hear those songs. Really.”
“Can I see you after the game?” Adam asked.
“Well, we are usually some of the last to leave, if you’re willing to stick around.”
“I want to at least play Kashmir for you.”
“Sounds good.”
“Ready in one, two, three, four.” Mr. Maxwell spoke holding the megaphone to his face with one hand and waving around the baton with the other. Sophia lifted her trumpet to her lips in habit and played with the band as she watched Adam slide out of view up the stands.
More and more people were starting to take notice of Adam with Sophia. The gossip in the band family could get pretty bad. She sensed the whole trumpet section eyeing the back of her head and had noticed her sister Annie and Bonnie glance up suspiciously at her during her interchange with Adam. She wasn’t ready to explain herself.
After the game, the band played the fight song one last time, and then it was time to pack up. Annie managed to find her way up to Sophia.
“So who was that boy you were talking to?” Annie asked.
“Who? You mean Ian?” Sophia played dumb.
“No. That grungy looking guy, with the scowl.”
“He does not have a scowl!”
“Whatever. If you don’t want to tell me that’s fine.” Annie flicked the bangs out of her eyes.
“His name is Adam Goodwin.”
“Oh, do you like him?” Annie asked nonchalantly.
“I don’t really know him that well.”
“He sure was sitting close to you.”
“Thanks for pointing out the obvious…” Sophia saw Adam walking down the bleachers again. “and why don’t you head over to the van, I’ll be there in a minute.
“Why do…? Annie asked and then noticed Adam. “Oh,” replied Annie knowingly and walked off. Sophia couldn’t tell if Annie was disgusted or just indifferent.
“Great game,” Adam said.
“Yeah, we barely lost,” Sophia said with mock seriousness.
“By fifteen points!” Adam replied. Adam smiled at her. He did not always have a scowl, Sophia thought.
“Was that your sister?” Adam asked aiming behind him with his thumb.
“Yeah, how could you tell?”
“Strong family resemblance.”
“I know, when we were younger people thought we were twins.”
“You don’t look like twins to me. One is definitely very cute.”
“Am I supposed to be blushing now?”
“Only if you think I’m talking about you.”
Oh, so vague, Sophia smiled sarcastically.
“I want you to hear raw talent. Are you ready?” Adam pulled the earbuds from his ears and handed them to Sophia. She placed the warm earbuds into her ears. Raw metal screamed at her, pounding and raking her eardrums. A vocalist yelled and swore angrily at her. Her eyes began to water in reaction to the ear and brain damage.
She endured about thirty seconds and then handed the buds back.
“So what do you think?”
“Very original, what is it,” was all she could manage.
“Rage Against the Machine.”
“The rage part is obvious. What’s the machine?”
“The system, bad governments, conformity in general.”
I see. Interesting. She could not see what that group provided for Adam.
You didn’t like it? I know I know, it’s a little hard. But I really think you’ll like Led Zeppelin.
Well if it sounds anything like the Rage stuff, I doubt it.
Not even close. These guys were the true geniuses of heavy metal, in fact they invented it.
Wow. I didn’t know that.
“Yeah, and they’re very talented players, being a musician yourself I think you will like it.”
“Being a musician makes me a harsh critic,” Sophia warned.
“True, and I’m telling you, you will like Led Zeppelin. I think I have Kashmir on here somewhere.” Adam fiddled with his MP3 player. Sophia looked up and noticed the stadium was almost empty. She picked up her trumpet case and hat box.
“I think they’re going to turn off the lights,” she said.
“You’re right. Maybe I’ll burn you a disc of my favorite songs. It would take you at least an hour to listen to my absolute favorites anyway.” They both walked down the steps and toward the parking lot. Something tugged at Sophia’s brain. The party. The words haunted the back wall of her head. Just do it and get it over with, she thought. She was feeling casual. Hopefully she would come off sounding casual, and Adam would get it that the invitation was a casual thing. She slowed down and stopped as the van came into view. Adam stopped and looked at her, waiting.
“So… I’ve gotta go, but first…my sister and I are having a Halloween party next Friday at my house, if you want to come.” Sophia’s words tumbled out
“I wondered when you were going to ask me,” Adam said.
Sophia closed her mouth, then opened it again “You knew about it?” she asked slowly.
“Sure, it sounds like you’ve invited the whole band,” Adam smiled. Sophia slapped her forehead.
That must’ve been my sister’s doing.
I would love to come. Are you going to require me to dress in costume.
Not if you don’t want to. I sometimes wonder if I’m growing out of the whole trick or treating, costumed parade thingy, you know?
“Sophia!” It was Annie.
“I gotta go! I’ll see you on Monday,” Sophia said.
“Ok. Later.”
The brass musical energy, mallets reverberating on base drums, and snares staccato echoing rose over the field to meet head on the cheers emitting from the stadium. One hundred uniform bodies moved in synch to create swirls and transforming pictures across the field. Twirling black red and white striped flags painted moving color at points in space like colorful twinkling stars. Two figures emerged from the formations gathering the crowd’s attention as they marched toward the stands. The pair stopped beside the drum major, whose hands rigidly punched out the beat. The figures flashed their shining trumpets in unison. A fast paced duo began at a high note and then gradually descended in a jazzlike rhythm, ending on two harmonizing high notes and cutting off with a squeal. Goose bumps rose on Sophia’s arms and neck as she turned an about face alongside Ian as they blended back into the formation. Screams erupted forth in competition with the music. Sophia’s heart pounded with excitement to the beat of the base drums. This is what it was all about.
After their halftime show, all the band members bounced around like Mexican jumping beans, still giddy and hyper. As the band seated themselves back in the cold bleachers, Mr. Maxwell bragged to the group about their performance. He was proud of the fact that most of the crowd stayed in the bleachers to watch the halftime show. In his eyes, that was an accomplishment.
“You all did a great job tonight,” Mr. Maxwell praised through his megaphone. “Did you see how full the stands were tonight?”
Someone from the band yelled, “Yeah! We rock!” The rest of the band responded with hoots, whistles, and clapping.
“You’re free to go. Be back in your seats in fifteen minutes for 3rd quarter,” Mr. Maxwell finished. It was a chilly night and many wore orange band jackets over their uniforms. The bulkiness of the jackets over the uniforms reminded Sophia of orange beetles, very talented but ugly beetles. She chuckled. Something about the chill crisp air, breathed energy into Sophia reddening her cheeks and brightening her eyes.
It reminded her of about a year ago in this stadium, probably in this exact location she guessed, when she first talked to Jared. . . He had been sitting behind her, and accidentally bumped her with the bell of his tuba while trying to pick up his sheet music.
Jiminy crickets! Are you ok? He asked, full of concern in his voice.
Um, yeah, I’m fine. Sophia rubbed her head.
It’s Sophia, right?
Yeah, and you’re Jared.
I can run and get you some ice.
Oh no thanks
I’m a clumsy oaf, two left feet and two right hands.
Sophia smiled thinking of that incident was quite common of Jared, now she knew him better. A little dorky, but sweet and thoughtful. She admired his ability to laugh at his own awkwardness. To be able to laugh at oneself was a great life survival skill. One, Sophia hadn’t quite mastered. A dull ache began to grow in her chest. She couldn’t deny that she still missed him.
Sophia shook her head, shaking the thought away. Bonnie and Annie, climbed the steps up to Sophia. “Do you have any cash Sophia, I wanna get nachos,” Annie asked.
"I only have a five," Sophia replied digging into the pocket of her orange beetle jacket.
"Will you share them with me?
"Ok, but we gotta hurry."
" I gotta go to the bathroom so bad," Bonnie exclaimed. "I’ve been waiting this whole game. Will you come with me Sophia?"
The three girls hurried off towards the concessions.
Sophia sat on the end of her bench with five minutes to spare before third quarter. She noticed a familiar face from the top of the stands and looking right at her with his deep set eyes. He wore a sports jacket and saggy jeans with the trademark chain drooping from one pocket. His black hair rustled in the slight breeze. Something about the stadium lights’ reflection on his face with the starry black night as his backdrop seemed fitting. Under the obvious face lay the mystery which by night awoke, like the stars opening their winking eyes as the sun begins to slumber. She felt like a different person here at the game than back at school. She felt a certain dead conformity within those cinder block walls. But, here, out in the open, she felt the electricity, the energy from the hundreds of people in the stands, all connected, all focused on the same goal: winning…or maybe just having fun.
She couldn’t help but smile up at him despite their recent awkward conversation. Maybe she could blame the school for making her feel tense all the time. But she was not at school now, and she was relaxed, she was fun and giddy and spontaneous. She scooted to her right and patted the vacated space of bench.
Adam raised his eyebrows slightly, a smile still on his face.
“Yeah, I know. It’s against the rules,” she said, “but, there’s a few minutes still till second half.”
Thanks.” Adam sat down close to her. The scent of his aftershave wafted on the cool air. She couldn’t help but stare at him for a moment longer. The stadium lights illuminated the left side of his face, while casting a dark shadow over his right side, emphasizing the smile-induced dimple in his cheek.
"Hey you were awesome out there!" He raised his hand to give her a high five. She raised her gloved hand as he hit it with a muffled slap.
"So, do you come to football games often?"
"No, but I came to see for myself what all the talk was about."
"It’s all talk if you ask me. Our team isn’t that great, but I think it’s still fun."
"No. I meant you."
"Me?"
“The energy, the emotion, from that um…that double trumpet…"
"The duo?"
"Yeah! It’s like a totally different side of you I haven’t met. It was way cool.” True, it was a productive channel to all her pent up frustration. Among all the other things in her life, this one she could truly say she was confident at. The rest fell by the wayside; the awkward self-defeating, shy procrastinator could easily hide behind that shiny trumpet and transform her into a confident, talented performer.
"It’s fun. .. but only if you play well.” Sophia said trying to play down his compliments. “If we all played really badly, that would’ve sucked. The bleachers would’ve been empty. I’m trying to break away from the nerdy dorky band player stigma.” Sophia laughed at herself.
“How do you do it?”
“Lot’s of practice.”
"You guys are what is exciting about this game. The rest of us would be bored out of our skulls without you."
"Thanks. I’m glad you agree with me!"
"No problem. I only have one piece of advice that would make it better," said Adam.
"What?"
"You would totally rock if you all played 'Kashmir' by Led Zepplin, his eyes twinkling.
Sophia stared blankly at him. “Kashmir?”
"What? You’ve never heard it?” Adam asked in dismay.
“Sorry”
“What about Highway to Heaven?”
"That one sounds familiar."
“Good, you‘ve heard good music at least once.”
“Hey!” Sophia mock punched Adam in the arm.
“Just kidding.” Adam smiled rocking back.
“What is good music to you anyway, AC/DC?”
"No, my required listening is from Rage Against the Machine, Pink Floyd, Guns and Roses, and of course Led Zepplin, just to name a few. It’s all on my MP3 player.”
“That’s nice,” Sophia stated flatly.
“What? You don’t like my taste in music?”
“I don’t know, just never listened to those groups.”
“You probably have on the radio, just never knew their names.”
“Probably.”
“It sounds like you need to be educated in rock n’ roll. What better person to teach you than me?” Adam asked.
“I don’t really need to be educated, thank you,” Sophia replied. Adam acted as if he didn’t hear her, and reached down into his jacket pocket to pull out an MP3 player.
“It’ll be just a minute and I’ll put a playlist together for you.” As Adam fiddled with the buttons, Ian, fellow trumpeter, nudged Sophia from the other side.
“Who’s the dude?”
“Adam Goodwin.”
Ian nodded his head and mouthed, “your boyfriend.”
“No!” Sophia whispered loudly.
“Uh huh, uh huh. Yep. You say lies.”
“Like you have room to talk. I saw you holding hands with that red-head girl, what’s her name, Ronda?”
How…?
I do have eyes you know.
Ian shook his head for a moment.“Ok, you win. Girls always win,” Ian said throwing up his hands in defeat.
“It’s because we’re right,” Sophia smirked.
“Because boys let them be right, or they get the boot,” said Ian.
“So Ronda is always right huh?” Sophia teased.
“None of your business.”
“As is Adam,” Sophia refuted.
“Ok, truce.” Ian held out his hand.
“Agreed.” Sophia took his hand and shook it.
Mr. Maxwell spoke through the megaphone. “We Will Rock You! In one minute.” Sophia turned her head to look at Adam who looked up at her knowingly.
I suppose this is where I exit. He stood dramatically with a flourish of his arm.
“I still want to hear those songs. Really.”
“Can I see you after the game?” Adam asked.
“Well, we are usually some of the last to leave, if you’re willing to stick around.”
“I want to at least play Kashmir for you.”
“Sounds good.”
“Ready in one, two, three, four.” Mr. Maxwell spoke holding the megaphone to his face with one hand and waving around the baton with the other. Sophia lifted her trumpet to her lips in habit and played with the band as she watched Adam slide out of view up the stands.
More and more people were starting to take notice of Adam with Sophia. The gossip in the band family could get pretty bad. She sensed the whole trumpet section eyeing the back of her head and had noticed her sister Annie and Bonnie glance up suspiciously at her during her interchange with Adam. She wasn’t ready to explain herself.
After the game, the band played the fight song one last time, and then it was time to pack up. Annie managed to find her way up to Sophia.
“So who was that boy you were talking to?” Annie asked.
“Who? You mean Ian?” Sophia played dumb.
“No. That grungy looking guy, with the scowl.”
“He does not have a scowl!”
“Whatever. If you don’t want to tell me that’s fine.” Annie flicked the bangs out of her eyes.
“His name is Adam Goodwin.”
“Oh, do you like him?” Annie asked nonchalantly.
“I don’t really know him that well.”
“He sure was sitting close to you.”
“Thanks for pointing out the obvious…” Sophia saw Adam walking down the bleachers again. “and why don’t you head over to the van, I’ll be there in a minute.
“Why do…? Annie asked and then noticed Adam. “Oh,” replied Annie knowingly and walked off. Sophia couldn’t tell if Annie was disgusted or just indifferent.
“Great game,” Adam said.
“Yeah, we barely lost,” Sophia said with mock seriousness.
“By fifteen points!” Adam replied. Adam smiled at her. He did not always have a scowl, Sophia thought.
“Was that your sister?” Adam asked aiming behind him with his thumb.
“Yeah, how could you tell?”
“Strong family resemblance.”
“I know, when we were younger people thought we were twins.”
“You don’t look like twins to me. One is definitely very cute.”
“Am I supposed to be blushing now?”
“Only if you think I’m talking about you.”
Oh, so vague, Sophia smiled sarcastically.
“I want you to hear raw talent. Are you ready?” Adam pulled the earbuds from his ears and handed them to Sophia. She placed the warm earbuds into her ears. Raw metal screamed at her, pounding and raking her eardrums. A vocalist yelled and swore angrily at her. Her eyes began to water in reaction to the ear and brain damage.
She endured about thirty seconds and then handed the buds back.
“So what do you think?”
“Very original, what is it,” was all she could manage.
“Rage Against the Machine.”
“The rage part is obvious. What’s the machine?”
“The system, bad governments, conformity in general.”
I see. Interesting. She could not see what that group provided for Adam.
You didn’t like it? I know I know, it’s a little hard. But I really think you’ll like Led Zeppelin.
Well if it sounds anything like the Rage stuff, I doubt it.
Not even close. These guys were the true geniuses of heavy metal, in fact they invented it.
Wow. I didn’t know that.
“Yeah, and they’re very talented players, being a musician yourself I think you will like it.”
“Being a musician makes me a harsh critic,” Sophia warned.
“True, and I’m telling you, you will like Led Zeppelin. I think I have Kashmir on here somewhere.” Adam fiddled with his MP3 player. Sophia looked up and noticed the stadium was almost empty. She picked up her trumpet case and hat box.
“I think they’re going to turn off the lights,” she said.
“You’re right. Maybe I’ll burn you a disc of my favorite songs. It would take you at least an hour to listen to my absolute favorites anyway.” They both walked down the steps and toward the parking lot. Something tugged at Sophia’s brain. The party. The words haunted the back wall of her head. Just do it and get it over with, she thought. She was feeling casual. Hopefully she would come off sounding casual, and Adam would get it that the invitation was a casual thing. She slowed down and stopped as the van came into view. Adam stopped and looked at her, waiting.
“So… I’ve gotta go, but first…my sister and I are having a Halloween party next Friday at my house, if you want to come.” Sophia’s words tumbled out
“I wondered when you were going to ask me,” Adam said.
Sophia closed her mouth, then opened it again “You knew about it?” she asked slowly.
“Sure, it sounds like you’ve invited the whole band,” Adam smiled. Sophia slapped her forehead.
That must’ve been my sister’s doing.
I would love to come. Are you going to require me to dress in costume.
Not if you don’t want to. I sometimes wonder if I’m growing out of the whole trick or treating, costumed parade thingy, you know?
“Sophia!” It was Annie.
“I gotta go! I’ll see you on Monday,” Sophia said.
“Ok. Later.”
Chapter 4 The Winner and the Loser
Chapter 4 The Winner and the Loser
Thursday in second period, Sophia’s debate teacher allowed them to spend the entire hour working on their debates to be presented the following day. She would have relished being solitary as she concentrated, she could really use the solitude to talk out loud to herself at this point. A tight knot formed in her gut, as she worried about her debate topic.
She looked across the classroom to her assigned opponent, Jess Low; the smartest kid in class, and possibly in her grade. He scribbled on note cards with confidence, possibly stating every most convincing reason in support of stem cell research that ever existed. Shoot, had he used his whole pack of 50 note cards? She wondered noticing his thick stack. All she could muster was a deep sigh, as she let her head drop to the desk, knowing her forehead was forming a greasy spot on her ten note cards. She was supposed to be against stem cell research, period. Her true opinion, though, was for adult stem cell research, which didn’t harm human life, and against embryonic stem cell research, which requires harvesting human embryos for research, essentially killing the seeds of human life. She couldn’t change her topic at the last minute, albeit a small change, because she was still against part of it. She would just have to read her notes and be done, and cross her fingers that she’d sound convincing enough to the teacher.
By lunchtime, Sophia began to develop a stress headache, worrying over her debate. She carried her notecards with her, studying each one as she ate. Taking a bite, flipping a card, adding extra notes, taking a bite and repeating. She was oblivious to anyone around her. The crowded cafeteria produced a low roar with occasional stoccato pitches of silverware tapping, shoes slapping, chairs banging, just a dull accompaniment to the confusing solo in her mind. “stem cells act as a repair system for the body, replenishing specialized cells…embryonic stem cell lines can be generated using a single-cell biopsy…allows for stem cell creation without embryonic destruction…”
“Hey.”
Sophia looked up, eyes still accostomed to upclose reading and blinked several times waiting for her eyes to refocus.
“Hey” Adam said again waving a hand in front of her face. “Are you ok? You looked stoned or something.”
“If studying too much can cause the same effect as drugs, I guess you could call me stoned.”
“Well, you’ve got the bloodshot eyes and dazed expression.”
Sophia dropped her forehead into her palm. “I should just give up.”
“You look stressed, what bites?” Adam asked.
“Oh, it’s my debate class, I’m supposed to present my debate tomorrow, and I’m really nervous, I just don’t feel prepared,” Sophia lamented.
“Oh yeah, the stem cell stuff.”
“Yeah, that. The problem is I disagree with some of the points I will be presenting. I do support adult stem cell research.
Then why don’t you just say that then
What?
Just say what you think, people can tell when you’re jacking them around.
“I know, I want to sound convincing. But how when I don’t agree with half of my arguments?” She looked pleadingly into his eyes for the first time, and he couldn’t help but smile.
“You’re desperate, aren’t you? Why do you care so much?”
“I…I just really want an A in the class. “
“Why, will your dad ground you if you don’t?”
Sophia frowned, “No, he’s not that strict. I guess my real goal is to get straight A’s this semester.” A memory poked her. She also wanted those straight A’s because when Jared was still hers, she wanted something with which to impress him. Something to keep her in his mind. There was to be no more impressing Jared. She guessed it was all about personal achievement, now, whoo hoo! Sophia sighed and picked at her food.
Adam offered, “Well, when I am in an argument, say, with my mom I try to show how by choosing my side it could benefit her.
Has it ever worked?
Not really, she’s too smart for me.
Well, I doubt I’ll try that then.
Thanks, Adam said sarcastically.
I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m up against the smartest guy in the junior class, Jesse Low. I feel defeated already.
Adam thought harder, Sophia noticed. She marveled at him, thinking, he really cared about her stupid problem!
I know. Tell me about your teacher, male or female?
She’s a female, so what?
Well, she’s the one giving the grade right?
Yeah.
Well, the point is to try to convince her, not Jess Low to choose your side.
“You’re right!” Sophia realized. If she could not only give a good presentation, but also go a little further in actually convincing Mrs. Nixon then maybe she could get her A.
It’s not necessarily about what side you’re on, but if you can be the greater convincer.
Oh, I guess you’re right. So what does it matter that she’s a woman?
I’m getting to that. I heard somewhere. . . and don’t you laugh at me. He pointed at Sophia warnignly. Sophia shook her head and pursed her lips.
Adam stated cautiously, “I heard somewhere that to be convincing to a woman. . .’ he paused assesing Sophia’s reaction, “you need to validate her feelings.”
“Wow, good observation.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, that’s like the one thing keeping guys from understanding girls.”
“So if I understand all about validation, I’ve got it made?”
“Putting it into action will get you the girl.” Adam smiled at Sophia who began to blush realizing she was revealing too much. “So anyway, where were we?” she asked looking down at her notes.
“Validating your teacher’s feelings.”
“Oh Yeah. Go on.”
“Well, what are her feelings?”
“Mrs. Nixon’s feelings?” She’d never thought about that before. Weren’t teachers supposed to withold their opinions from the class, and not sway the student body?
“I don’t know, I don’t think she’s supposed to say.”
“Well, you know some things about her. She’s married right?”
“Yeah.”
“Does she have any kids?”
“I think she has one. I know she mentioned she was on maternity leave for part of last year.”
“Perfect! There you go!”
“Huh?!”
“Wow, I really am smart sometimes, I surprise myself!”
“Wait, I missed something.”
“She had a baby! She would definitely be against killing an embryo; she values human life too much.”
“Well, how does that help me? I’m supposed to be totally against stem cell research, and I’m not, I just want to be honest with myself, you know.”
Well, as I was saying she probably already agrees with you on banning embryonic stem cell research. She will be on your side already.
Yeah, and?
The next big step is to convince her that adult stem cell research is good. I doubt your opponent spends more than a minute on adult stem cells alone, he will have breezed past that to more technical stuff on embryonic, because that’s an unkown area with amazing possibilities. He will not have convinced her at all.
You’re probably right.
You will already have her feelings validated by stating stuff she agrees with, then you state how accepting adult stem cell research could benefit her and her baby, not harm. Give some real life stories of how adult stem cell researcch has beneiffited children. She’ll be nodding her head the whole time and you’ll get your A++.
Perfect! That’s right. I just remembered that adult stem cell research has been used for many years to successfully treat leukemia. And leukemia attacks children. Sophia exclaimed and began scribbling on her notecards before she forgot all that Adam had just told her.
Where did you learn to be a good arguer? Sophia asked as she dotted the last ‘i’.
I didn’t, I guess I just saw so many bad arguments with my parents when I was little, I knew what not to do.
You should take debate. You would get an A in it.
I’m not a conformist, I wouldn’t be able to follow any of the formal debate guidelines.
So you’re a streetsmart debater, not a booksmart one.
Exactly.
“Well, you get an A++ in my book,” said Sophia wanting to hug him. Then the bell rang.
“Well, I’ve gotta go. And thank you so so much!” Sophia said gathering her things and stuffing them into her backpack.
“No problem. Let me know how it goes,” said Adam smiling.
“I will at lunch tomorrow.”
“Good luck!” Adam said watching Sophia walk away.
Thanks!
After lunch in Chemistry, Sophia couldn’t keep a smile from forming on her face as the teacher passed back their graded assignments. Adam had really helped her on her debate project, and relief washed over her, knowing she had her presentation under control.
“Sophia” Mr. Duncan handed her assignmetn back, with an 88% marked at the top. Sophia remembered something.
“Oh no! I’m so stupid!” Sophia said slapping her forehead.
“What did you get?” Bonnie asked, sitting two seats back from her.
“ Oh, a B+,” Sophia responded absentmindedly.
“You did better than I did! Bonnie replied.
“But that’s not what I’m worried about.”
“You’re not?”
“Nevermind,” Sophia replied. How could she have forgotten? She had spent most of last evening planning on how she was going to ask Adam today if he wanted to come to her Halloween party. She was so caught up in her own world of achievement, that she failed. She failed to even ask how Adam was doing or pick up where they left off the day before. She was doing a terrible job as a member missionary so far. She pulled her backpack out from under her chair and pulled out a new personal planner. She would write it down. October 24, invite Adam to party, thank him for his help, debate presentation 2nd hour. Now she needed to remember to look at her daily planner. Daily!
Friday, during first period band practice, her mind felt so distracted. Thankfully she had the songs memorized as she played her trumpet and marched around the practice field with the entire band. They had a home football game that night and everyone was getting pumped up, working out the last few kinks of their halftime show.
Unfortunately there were too many overzealous players, and Mr. Maxwell kept stopping the song to correct a row alignment, or practice over and over again a particlur line in the song.
Finally Mr. Maxwell let the band play the songs all the way through, and then finished by talking through the megaphone, “Good practice everyone. Be at the stadium at 6:30 wearing your uniforms, don’t forget gloves and plumes. We don’t want to lose the meaning of the word uniform!” The band members broke their formations, and began running back towards the band room. Sophia glanced at her watch. “8:57” No wonder everyone was running! Band practice had gone over, and Sophia had three mintues to get her backpack and run to Debate class. Just my luck she mumbled.
Finally!
Sophia deliberatly walked to the cafeteria to look for Adam and invite him to her party next week before she forgot again. Then a horrible thought rammed her like a jackhammer. Oh, no! Adam’s going to think I’m asking him out on a date! I never even thought of that. Sophia stopped abruptly in the hall, a couple of student’s behind her nearly knocking her over. Sophia forced herself to keep walking. Even if I say just as friends, she thought, he’s going to know I like him. Do I like him? He’s so different than I am! It doesn’t matter now. He probably already thinks I like him. I keep hanging out with him everyday at lunch. I can’t lead him on. I can’t do it! But the party isn’t a date, it’s a party, she thought. I don’t even have to talk to him at all during the party, there will be enough people there. But that’s not the point, she countered. The point is to talk to him, and have him meet my Mormon friends. She entered the cafeteria, the debate still battling in her mind, and stood in the food line.
"Hey!" Sophia turned and saw Adam walking into the cafeteria towards her. You saved me a spot?
"Um…yeah, sure!" Sophia said as she noticed an unpleasant look cross the face of the guy behind her. Sophia pretended not to notice and stepped aside. Adam searched Sophia’s face.
"You don’t look happy. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have tried to help you. If you get a C on your debate you can blame it on me. Call me whatever bad names you want. Punch me if you prefer. I deserve it.” He grabbed her wrist and tried to make her slap him.
“No no no!” laughed Sophia pulling her arm back and quickly switching mental modes. “Your advice was perfect. I did exactly what you suggested and Mrs. Nixon was smiling at the end! I couldn’t believe it. I wished you could’ve been there.” Sophia beamed.
Adam just smiled, almost laughing.
What?
Nothing, it’s just your eyes again. They’re like a drug on me.
Sophia blushed profusely, and turned her head away as if distracted. She wanted to invite him then to the party, but her hesitations held her back. Wasn’t it obvious he liked her? How could she be so dense? If she asked him now, he would totally think she liked him too. She just wasn’t sure what her feelings were, the breakup with Jared, still so freshly over. It would still be a while before she knew.
“There’s something bothering you.” Adam observed Sophia’s pensive face. “You can’t still be worried about your debate, it’s over, right?
"Oh, no, everything’s fine." Sophia forced a quick smile. Adam didn’t seem convinced.
"Is it me? I’ll leave if you want me to. I know I’m weird. Just say the word and I’ll be gone."
"No no, you’re fine." Sophia turned to look at him and noticed his dark concerned eyes. “I guess I still have some jitters from my debate this morning. It’s not you, I promise,” Sophia lied. “I’m just glad it’s Friday, relieved you know?”
“Yeah” Adam smiled. They both looked away in silence. Sophia and Adam both got their food without speaking.
“Hey I haven’t talked with my friend Jake in a while. I need to get caught up on what the ‘in crowd’ is doing these days. Make sure I’m not doing it, you know.” Adam waited for Sophia to smile.
“Yeah sure.” Sophia watched Adam walk away. She was not sure if she was relieved or not.
What was she doing letting him get away? Where was her resolve? Didn’t she acutally pray about Adam and feel that confirmation from the spirit, that peaceful feeling that it would be a good thing to be Adam’s friend? Didn’t she feel like Heavenly Father was supporting her efforts at being his friend? And here she was starting to back out, fearing the unkown. Sophia inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly. I’m probably just feeling overstressed. I just need to take it easy. Maybe it’s just not time yet. Plus there’s still all of next week to run into him and casually ask him to the party. She couldn’t think so hard anymore at the moment, and the cacophony of lunchtime overtook her thoughts.
Thursday in second period, Sophia’s debate teacher allowed them to spend the entire hour working on their debates to be presented the following day. She would have relished being solitary as she concentrated, she could really use the solitude to talk out loud to herself at this point. A tight knot formed in her gut, as she worried about her debate topic.
She looked across the classroom to her assigned opponent, Jess Low; the smartest kid in class, and possibly in her grade. He scribbled on note cards with confidence, possibly stating every most convincing reason in support of stem cell research that ever existed. Shoot, had he used his whole pack of 50 note cards? She wondered noticing his thick stack. All she could muster was a deep sigh, as she let her head drop to the desk, knowing her forehead was forming a greasy spot on her ten note cards. She was supposed to be against stem cell research, period. Her true opinion, though, was for adult stem cell research, which didn’t harm human life, and against embryonic stem cell research, which requires harvesting human embryos for research, essentially killing the seeds of human life. She couldn’t change her topic at the last minute, albeit a small change, because she was still against part of it. She would just have to read her notes and be done, and cross her fingers that she’d sound convincing enough to the teacher.
By lunchtime, Sophia began to develop a stress headache, worrying over her debate. She carried her notecards with her, studying each one as she ate. Taking a bite, flipping a card, adding extra notes, taking a bite and repeating. She was oblivious to anyone around her. The crowded cafeteria produced a low roar with occasional stoccato pitches of silverware tapping, shoes slapping, chairs banging, just a dull accompaniment to the confusing solo in her mind. “stem cells act as a repair system for the body, replenishing specialized cells…embryonic stem cell lines can be generated using a single-cell biopsy…allows for stem cell creation without embryonic destruction…”
“Hey.”
Sophia looked up, eyes still accostomed to upclose reading and blinked several times waiting for her eyes to refocus.
“Hey” Adam said again waving a hand in front of her face. “Are you ok? You looked stoned or something.”
“If studying too much can cause the same effect as drugs, I guess you could call me stoned.”
“Well, you’ve got the bloodshot eyes and dazed expression.”
Sophia dropped her forehead into her palm. “I should just give up.”
“You look stressed, what bites?” Adam asked.
“Oh, it’s my debate class, I’m supposed to present my debate tomorrow, and I’m really nervous, I just don’t feel prepared,” Sophia lamented.
“Oh yeah, the stem cell stuff.”
“Yeah, that. The problem is I disagree with some of the points I will be presenting. I do support adult stem cell research.
Then why don’t you just say that then
What?
Just say what you think, people can tell when you’re jacking them around.
“I know, I want to sound convincing. But how when I don’t agree with half of my arguments?” She looked pleadingly into his eyes for the first time, and he couldn’t help but smile.
“You’re desperate, aren’t you? Why do you care so much?”
“I…I just really want an A in the class. “
“Why, will your dad ground you if you don’t?”
Sophia frowned, “No, he’s not that strict. I guess my real goal is to get straight A’s this semester.” A memory poked her. She also wanted those straight A’s because when Jared was still hers, she wanted something with which to impress him. Something to keep her in his mind. There was to be no more impressing Jared. She guessed it was all about personal achievement, now, whoo hoo! Sophia sighed and picked at her food.
Adam offered, “Well, when I am in an argument, say, with my mom I try to show how by choosing my side it could benefit her.
Has it ever worked?
Not really, she’s too smart for me.
Well, I doubt I’ll try that then.
Thanks, Adam said sarcastically.
I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m up against the smartest guy in the junior class, Jesse Low. I feel defeated already.
Adam thought harder, Sophia noticed. She marveled at him, thinking, he really cared about her stupid problem!
I know. Tell me about your teacher, male or female?
She’s a female, so what?
Well, she’s the one giving the grade right?
Yeah.
Well, the point is to try to convince her, not Jess Low to choose your side.
“You’re right!” Sophia realized. If she could not only give a good presentation, but also go a little further in actually convincing Mrs. Nixon then maybe she could get her A.
It’s not necessarily about what side you’re on, but if you can be the greater convincer.
Oh, I guess you’re right. So what does it matter that she’s a woman?
I’m getting to that. I heard somewhere. . . and don’t you laugh at me. He pointed at Sophia warnignly. Sophia shook her head and pursed her lips.
Adam stated cautiously, “I heard somewhere that to be convincing to a woman. . .’ he paused assesing Sophia’s reaction, “you need to validate her feelings.”
“Wow, good observation.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, that’s like the one thing keeping guys from understanding girls.”
“So if I understand all about validation, I’ve got it made?”
“Putting it into action will get you the girl.” Adam smiled at Sophia who began to blush realizing she was revealing too much. “So anyway, where were we?” she asked looking down at her notes.
“Validating your teacher’s feelings.”
“Oh Yeah. Go on.”
“Well, what are her feelings?”
“Mrs. Nixon’s feelings?” She’d never thought about that before. Weren’t teachers supposed to withold their opinions from the class, and not sway the student body?
“I don’t know, I don’t think she’s supposed to say.”
“Well, you know some things about her. She’s married right?”
“Yeah.”
“Does she have any kids?”
“I think she has one. I know she mentioned she was on maternity leave for part of last year.”
“Perfect! There you go!”
“Huh?!”
“Wow, I really am smart sometimes, I surprise myself!”
“Wait, I missed something.”
“She had a baby! She would definitely be against killing an embryo; she values human life too much.”
“Well, how does that help me? I’m supposed to be totally against stem cell research, and I’m not, I just want to be honest with myself, you know.”
Well, as I was saying she probably already agrees with you on banning embryonic stem cell research. She will be on your side already.
Yeah, and?
The next big step is to convince her that adult stem cell research is good. I doubt your opponent spends more than a minute on adult stem cells alone, he will have breezed past that to more technical stuff on embryonic, because that’s an unkown area with amazing possibilities. He will not have convinced her at all.
You’re probably right.
You will already have her feelings validated by stating stuff she agrees with, then you state how accepting adult stem cell research could benefit her and her baby, not harm. Give some real life stories of how adult stem cell researcch has beneiffited children. She’ll be nodding her head the whole time and you’ll get your A++.
Perfect! That’s right. I just remembered that adult stem cell research has been used for many years to successfully treat leukemia. And leukemia attacks children. Sophia exclaimed and began scribbling on her notecards before she forgot all that Adam had just told her.
Where did you learn to be a good arguer? Sophia asked as she dotted the last ‘i’.
I didn’t, I guess I just saw so many bad arguments with my parents when I was little, I knew what not to do.
You should take debate. You would get an A in it.
I’m not a conformist, I wouldn’t be able to follow any of the formal debate guidelines.
So you’re a streetsmart debater, not a booksmart one.
Exactly.
“Well, you get an A++ in my book,” said Sophia wanting to hug him. Then the bell rang.
“Well, I’ve gotta go. And thank you so so much!” Sophia said gathering her things and stuffing them into her backpack.
“No problem. Let me know how it goes,” said Adam smiling.
“I will at lunch tomorrow.”
“Good luck!” Adam said watching Sophia walk away.
Thanks!
After lunch in Chemistry, Sophia couldn’t keep a smile from forming on her face as the teacher passed back their graded assignments. Adam had really helped her on her debate project, and relief washed over her, knowing she had her presentation under control.
“Sophia” Mr. Duncan handed her assignmetn back, with an 88% marked at the top. Sophia remembered something.
“Oh no! I’m so stupid!” Sophia said slapping her forehead.
“What did you get?” Bonnie asked, sitting two seats back from her.
“ Oh, a B+,” Sophia responded absentmindedly.
“You did better than I did! Bonnie replied.
“But that’s not what I’m worried about.”
“You’re not?”
“Nevermind,” Sophia replied. How could she have forgotten? She had spent most of last evening planning on how she was going to ask Adam today if he wanted to come to her Halloween party. She was so caught up in her own world of achievement, that she failed. She failed to even ask how Adam was doing or pick up where they left off the day before. She was doing a terrible job as a member missionary so far. She pulled her backpack out from under her chair and pulled out a new personal planner. She would write it down. October 24, invite Adam to party, thank him for his help, debate presentation 2nd hour. Now she needed to remember to look at her daily planner. Daily!
Friday, during first period band practice, her mind felt so distracted. Thankfully she had the songs memorized as she played her trumpet and marched around the practice field with the entire band. They had a home football game that night and everyone was getting pumped up, working out the last few kinks of their halftime show.
Unfortunately there were too many overzealous players, and Mr. Maxwell kept stopping the song to correct a row alignment, or practice over and over again a particlur line in the song.
Finally Mr. Maxwell let the band play the songs all the way through, and then finished by talking through the megaphone, “Good practice everyone. Be at the stadium at 6:30 wearing your uniforms, don’t forget gloves and plumes. We don’t want to lose the meaning of the word uniform!” The band members broke their formations, and began running back towards the band room. Sophia glanced at her watch. “8:57” No wonder everyone was running! Band practice had gone over, and Sophia had three mintues to get her backpack and run to Debate class. Just my luck she mumbled.
Finally!
Sophia deliberatly walked to the cafeteria to look for Adam and invite him to her party next week before she forgot again. Then a horrible thought rammed her like a jackhammer. Oh, no! Adam’s going to think I’m asking him out on a date! I never even thought of that. Sophia stopped abruptly in the hall, a couple of student’s behind her nearly knocking her over. Sophia forced herself to keep walking. Even if I say just as friends, she thought, he’s going to know I like him. Do I like him? He’s so different than I am! It doesn’t matter now. He probably already thinks I like him. I keep hanging out with him everyday at lunch. I can’t lead him on. I can’t do it! But the party isn’t a date, it’s a party, she thought. I don’t even have to talk to him at all during the party, there will be enough people there. But that’s not the point, she countered. The point is to talk to him, and have him meet my Mormon friends. She entered the cafeteria, the debate still battling in her mind, and stood in the food line.
"Hey!" Sophia turned and saw Adam walking into the cafeteria towards her. You saved me a spot?
"Um…yeah, sure!" Sophia said as she noticed an unpleasant look cross the face of the guy behind her. Sophia pretended not to notice and stepped aside. Adam searched Sophia’s face.
"You don’t look happy. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have tried to help you. If you get a C on your debate you can blame it on me. Call me whatever bad names you want. Punch me if you prefer. I deserve it.” He grabbed her wrist and tried to make her slap him.
“No no no!” laughed Sophia pulling her arm back and quickly switching mental modes. “Your advice was perfect. I did exactly what you suggested and Mrs. Nixon was smiling at the end! I couldn’t believe it. I wished you could’ve been there.” Sophia beamed.
Adam just smiled, almost laughing.
What?
Nothing, it’s just your eyes again. They’re like a drug on me.
Sophia blushed profusely, and turned her head away as if distracted. She wanted to invite him then to the party, but her hesitations held her back. Wasn’t it obvious he liked her? How could she be so dense? If she asked him now, he would totally think she liked him too. She just wasn’t sure what her feelings were, the breakup with Jared, still so freshly over. It would still be a while before she knew.
“There’s something bothering you.” Adam observed Sophia’s pensive face. “You can’t still be worried about your debate, it’s over, right?
"Oh, no, everything’s fine." Sophia forced a quick smile. Adam didn’t seem convinced.
"Is it me? I’ll leave if you want me to. I know I’m weird. Just say the word and I’ll be gone."
"No no, you’re fine." Sophia turned to look at him and noticed his dark concerned eyes. “I guess I still have some jitters from my debate this morning. It’s not you, I promise,” Sophia lied. “I’m just glad it’s Friday, relieved you know?”
“Yeah” Adam smiled. They both looked away in silence. Sophia and Adam both got their food without speaking.
“Hey I haven’t talked with my friend Jake in a while. I need to get caught up on what the ‘in crowd’ is doing these days. Make sure I’m not doing it, you know.” Adam waited for Sophia to smile.
“Yeah sure.” Sophia watched Adam walk away. She was not sure if she was relieved or not.
What was she doing letting him get away? Where was her resolve? Didn’t she acutally pray about Adam and feel that confirmation from the spirit, that peaceful feeling that it would be a good thing to be Adam’s friend? Didn’t she feel like Heavenly Father was supporting her efforts at being his friend? And here she was starting to back out, fearing the unkown. Sophia inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly. I’m probably just feeling overstressed. I just need to take it easy. Maybe it’s just not time yet. Plus there’s still all of next week to run into him and casually ask him to the party. She couldn’t think so hard anymore at the moment, and the cacophony of lunchtime overtook her thoughts.
Chapter 3 Atheist
Chapter 3
Sophia entered late into the seminary room behind her impatient sister Annie Wednesday morning. Through her bleary eyes she read “Welcome to Cemetary” written in chalk across the board. Eight small gravestones had been drawn for each student in class: RIP Josh, RIP Bonnie RIP Annie, RIP Melissa etc. She noticed Sister Ellis wasn’t there yet, which was unusual.
“Who wrote that?” Sophia asked rolling her eyes.
“Melissa and I did it after seminary yesterday,” said Annie smirking.
“I don’t think we’re exactly dead in seminary I think we’re more like zombie’s” Sophia said sitting down next to Bonnie.
““Being dead means not participating in class,” Bonnie said, “and I participate.”
“Yeah, so do I,” interjected Sean, “I make sure I give my one word answers if Sister Lawrence calls on me. Let’s see what could it be this time, read your scriptures, say your prayers, or go to church?”
Bonnie sighed, “There’s more to it than that, Sean. I pity those who just go through the motions.”
“I’m just joking Bonnie. Lighten up.” Sean replied, giving her a big goofy smile and holding it, until she cracked a smile.
Sophia slapped his arm giving up, “You’re relentless Sean.”
Just then, Sister Ellis walked into the room. “Good morning brothers and sisters sorry I’m late,” said Sister Ellis as she bustled in with Josh and his sister Melissa behind her. “And aren’t we a cheerful group this morning,” she smiled hopefully. “And I overheard you already talking about today’s lesson, I’m so proud of you for doing your assigned reading. Uh.” She paused to look at the six now blank faces staring at her. She exhaled, you didn’t do your reading. It’s ok, we’ll keep trying. Never give up! I know as you read your scriptures you will strengthen your testimony and your testimony in turn will protect you as a shield would from the fiery darts of the adversary.”
“Yes Sister Ellis,” they all answered. Sophia felt a guilty pang. She hated it when Sister Ellis spoke about their sins with such loving kindness, it was the surest way to get her to feel the guilt. She admitted to herself that she had neglected her scripture reading lately. Yeah, she did read with her family nearly every night. That was good enough wasn’t it? Plus, she was so tired from having to wake up so early in the morning for seminary, she just crashed into bed each night, hardly conscious long enough to say a quick prayer before falling asleep.
After seminary, Sophia’s sister Annie exclaimed, “Let’s have a party for Halloween!” Sophia knew it was coming, Annie loved planning parties.
“A seminary Halloween party? That’s sounds like loads of fun. Not!” replied Josh.
“No, dummy. A Halloween party at our house, next Saturday, ten days from now. We could have some music and dancing. And plenty of food,” Annie replied.
“Have you talked to Mom and Dad about these plans?” asked Sophia.
“Yes, of course, last night. And they thought it would be safer for us to have a party at our house than somewhere else, and so they agreed.”
“Yeah so they can keep a close eye on us,” Sophia surmised.
“It’ll still be fun,” Annie encouraged.
“That’s true,” Sophia admitted, “It will be fun after Mom and Dad finish holding personal intereviews on all our guests. Remember my sixteenth birthday?” She thought back to her sixteenth birthday party last February. Mom and Dad had chatted with all her friends almost more than she had. At times it could be embarrassing, seeing them try to be “cool” in front of her friends or whatever it was they were trying to do.
“We’ll definitely have to talk about Mom and Dad about that. I’m sure we can come to some sort of agreement. Maybe enforce the no dumb jokes, and no sharing of embarrassing moments.”
“Ask for compromise. Good, sounds like a plan.”
Annie again addressed the seminary class. “So, do you guys want to come?”
“Yeah, as long as I don’t have to do any dancing with boys,” Bonnie replied.
“You’re asking for it Bonnie,” Sophia said under her breath realizing Sean and Josh were in the room.
“I’ll make sure she dances with boys,” said Sean smirking, “count me in,” he added to Annie.
“No you won’t, I will put you in a choke hold if you dare touch me,” said Bonnie threateningly.
“She must really want to dance with boys,” said Josh. “I’m dancing with her first though.” Sean replied in mock seriousness.
“No you’re not. Neither one of you are dancing with me. I can hurt you.”
“But will you hurt us is the real question,” snorted Josh as Sean punched him in the arm in agreement.
Bonnie grabbed Sean and Josh’s ears and pulled. Sophia grabbed Bonnie’s elbow forcing her to release the two boys.
“Ow ow ow!” yelled Sean and Josh rubbing their ears.
Sophia dragged Bonnie towards her parked minivan.
“Hey! What are you doing?!” Bonnie protested.
“I have to talk to you.”
“Yes, but. . .”
“Just calm down.”
“You don’t know what it’s like having them around. They push my buttons like nobody’s business. My common sense disappears and my blood just starts boiling.”
“They bug you because they like seeing you get all flustered. To them, it’s highly amusing.”
“Their amusement at my expense!” Sophia cried.
“Like I said, just blow it off, and they won’t bug you as much.”
“But I’m supposed to let them just tease me and I say nothing?” asked Bonnie breathlessly.
“No, just laugh at them back like you’re smarter than them, like you know something they don’t. Or you could just get really mad again, but I wouldn’t recommend it if you want to stay friends.” Bonnie glared at her. “And I’m not saying you’re friends or anything, but maybe to keep the peace,” Sophia consulted.
“Ok, so I’m supposed to just laugh at them?” Sophia nodded her head. “That’s so weird,” Bonnie exclaimed.
“Believe me, it works. You haven’t seen any boys bugging me lately have you?”
“Yes.”
“Who?” Sophia asked doubtfully.
“Adam Goodwin,” Bonnie said smugly.
“Well, he doesn’t bug me, like the way Sean and Josh bug you. They can’t even take you seriously, whereas Adam can talk seriously with me.” Bonnie looked at Sophia incredulously. Sophia inhaled and spoke louder, “and anyway, I hardly know him. He’s not even a friend. And another thing, that’s not the point. We’re talking about you,” Sophia defended. Bonnie raised her eyebrows and a small smile formed on her lips.
“Now don’t you go teasing me and acting like Josh and Sean!”
“I wasn’t. Honest. I’m just curious that’s all. I’ve just seen him hanging around you a lot lately.”
“Sitting at lunch together a few days in a row is not a lot.”
“I don’t know, I just don’t think he wants to just be your acquaintance for long.”
“Ok, we’re even now, I gave you unwanted advice and then you gave me some.”
“That’s what best friends are for, duh.” And they both laughed.
“Hey I heard my name! What are you saying about me? Eh?” said Sean as he sauntered over. Bonnie gave her a look like, take care of this for me, and she rushed over to her truck.
“Oh, Sean, you crack me up! ” Sophia said slapping her knee sarcastically. “You must be hearing things, but no time to talk now, gotta get to band, you know,” said Sophia locking eyes with Bonnie. “Well, we’ll see yah. Come on Annie,” said Sophia as she jumped into her mini-van and shut the door before Sean could reply.
Sean stood there disgruntled that he had somehow lost an opportunity to tease. Bonnie jumped into her baby blue truck and pulled out of the parking lot, smiling at Sophia in thanks. Annie pulled herself away from her best friend Melissa.
“I’ll call you” Melissa said.
“No I’ll call you at 3:30 and we can start our party planning” said Annie.
“Yes!” they both exclaimed.
“Oh, and let’s discuss if we should do skulls or bats hanging from the chandelier. Think about it!
“I will. I can’t wait!” Melissa said climbing into the car with her brother Josh.
At the end of English class, Sophia found herself thinking about Adam and wondering if she would see him today at lunch. She felt an unexpected thrill as she wondered what their conversation might be about today. What am I thinking, she asked herself. I don’t even know him, and I highly doubt he’s my type anyway.
As she entered the cafeteria and looked toward the designated band area of tables, she didn’t see Adam there. He’s probably not here yet, she thought. Her immediate feeling of disappointment surprised her. Get over it, she thought. She decided to buy her lunch so she got in line. Her mind began zoning out when a voice whispered in her ear, sending chills down her spine.
“Hey, stranger.” Sophia jumped and turned around. It was Adam.
“Why do you keep sneaking up on me like that?
“I’m not trying to sneak up on you. You’re just so lost in thought you didn’t notice me. So what are you thinking about?”
“Nothing. . . I mean, never mind. I didn’t think you normally bought cafeteria lunch. Why are you in line?”
“Just to bug you.”
“Oh thanks”
“No, I thought I’d try their hamburgers today.”
“Yeah they are actually not too bad. I think they make their own hamburger buns. Mickey D’s can’t beat that.”
They both bought their lunch and Adam followed her to the band table where he sat across from her again.
“So why are you sitting at the band table again? I thought you were a floater?”
“I am but I guess I just feel comfortable here,” he said looking into her eyes. Well at least one of us is comfortable, she thought. She breathed a sigh of relief, as she noticed Bonnie coming over.
“Hey Bonnie , come sit by us today.”
“Hey how’s it going? She said sitting down.
“Good”
“I can only stay a few minutes. I’m meeting with my English teacher about my essay.” There was an awkward silence as they all began to eat. And Sophia wondered if Bonnie and Adam would get along.
“So are you going to young women’s tonight? Bonnie asked Sophia between bites of food. “You better, or I’ll be the only one there.”
“Yeah. Of course. I am the Laurel president, I have to be there! Said Sophia, eyeing Adam.
“What’s young womens’?” asked Adam. Sophia dreaded this would happen.
“It’s a church thing. Bonnie and I go to the same church,” said Sophia hesitantly. She was not liking where this conversation was going. And then the questions of religion came.
“So are you like Baptist then?” Adam asked. Bonnie snickered. Sophia waited hoping Bonnie would answer this one.
Bonnie took the lead, “Heck no! . . .we belong to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints,” she said proudly. At least one of them didn’t shy away from the religious questions.
“Oh. . . Did you say the Church of Christ?”
“No, that’s a different church.”
“Oh, still doesn’t ring a bell.”
“Or you could call us Mormons” interjected Sophia uncomfortably.
Before Adam could ask any weird questions, Bonnie continued, “And no, we don’t grow horns on our heads.” Sophia dropped her face into her hands embarrassingly.
“I thought Mormons couldn’t drive cars or use electricity. You seem pretty normal if you ask me.”
“We try to blend in even if we grow tails that we cut off at the age of 12,” said Bonnie stifling a laugh.
“Ok I get it, you’re not weird,” Adam assured her. Bonnie stopped to look at her watch.
“Well, I gotta go now, we’ll see yah,” said Bonnie as she stuffed two last bites of fries into her mouth and headed out of the cafeteria.
Sophia uncovered her face and replied,“Yeah see yah,” wondering if it was a relief or not to have Bonnie gone.
Sophia really wanted to revert the focus away from herself, and so she asked Adam, “So do you go to church?”
“No, my mom does.”
“Where does she go?”
“She’s Presbyterian.”
“Oh, and you?”
“No, I’m atheist,” he replied understatedly. Sophia didn’t know what to say. “It doesn’t ring a bell to you?” Adam asked.
“Yeah it does. It’s just. . . have you always been atheist?”
“No, I guess when I was little I was what my mom was.
“So what changed?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh, sorry.”
“It’s ok. It’s just some bad things happened, and I decided Presbyterianism wasn’t for me, that’s all.”
“But atheist. You don’t even think there’s a God that exists?”
“How could a God exist with so much bad stuff happening in the world?” Adam asked skeptically. Sophia blinked. She had never thought about that before. Yeah, bad stuff was happening all around her, but not towards her. Her life was pretty good, compared to most.
All she could muster was “I don’t know why exactly.”
“If there really is a God, he wouldn’t let such bad stuff happen.”
Sophia looked into Adam’s eyes. His brown eyes seemed almost black to her. A slight crease formed between his dark eyebrows, as if he was concentrating on holding some tangible pain back from his consciousness. She felt a sudden instinct to comfort him, but fear overruled.
Adam looked down caught up in his unknown desperate thoughts. She wondered what could have happened to shake his faith so much to not even believe a God exists. She was too afraid to even explore the possibilities.
She pretended to be interested in her hamburger and bit into it like she had suddenly realized she was starving. She stole glances at Adam who was drowning his fries in ketchup.
Then an epiphany came to her in that instant. He’s searching for something, she thought. He wants answers. I’ve got answers, the Church has answers. She contemplated what she would say next, debating if she should invite him to the next youth activity or to just hand him a pass- along card next time she saw him, and be done with the topic. Then, the bell rang breaking her train of thought, and relieving her of her missionary duties for the day.
Sophia jumped up a little too anxiously and said, “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah,” Adam replied perfunctorily, not even looking up to say ‘bye’.
The next hour, Sophia sat in her chemistry class, feeling guilty with no explanation. Why was she feeling guilty? She didn’t do anything wrong. Did she accidentally look at Adam weirdly when he told her he was atheist? Was she not sympathetic enough when he gave his brief explanation for his religious affiliation, or rather unaffiliation? Was he mad at her for not giving him an educated answer to his question of why God would let bad things happen to good people? Up till now, he seemed amazed by Sophia and everything that came out of her mouth. Maybe he was disappointed by her now. She felt a bit ashamed. She glanced over Bonnie’s shoulder hoping she had been taking notes. She couldn’t concentrate, especially on chemistry.
That night after dinner, it was Sophia’s turn to help her mother, Jane, with dishes and kitchen cleanup. As she rinsed and loaded glasses and plates into the dishwasher, her mind continued to mull over her conversation with Adam that day. She felt like she needed to do something about it, but she wasn’t sure what. Like she had an itch but couldn’t find where to scratch. Jane noticed Sophia’s unusual silence, as she put food into the refrigerator. She pulled some steel wool from a drawer and began scrubbing off the black on the bottom of a pan.
“No matter how careful I am, how I stir constantly, I can’t seem to keep milk from burning! You would think I would learn not to cook milk at all over the stove. Note to self, only use a can of condensed milk,” Jane decided, half talking to herself.”
“Yeah,” Sophia replied absentmindedly.
“So how was your day?” Jane asked not looking up, but pretending to concentrate only on her scrubbing.
“Fine” Sophia said idly swirling some water in a glass.
“Learn anything new?” the common tongue in cheek question.
“I guess.”
“Like what?” she asked lightly.
“Like how awkward it is to talk about the Church at school.”
“How did. . . that. . . come up?” Jane asked straining as she put more muscle into her scrubbing. Sophia sighed and wondered if she was up to this conversation with her mom. She slowly put a glass into the top rack.
“I have this friend, er, this guy I know was talking to me about religion today,” Sophia began.
“Oh really, was he asking questions about the Church?” Jane asked, intrigued.
“Kind of. It kind of came up as Bonnie and I were talking about young women’s tonight.”
“Did you end up having to tell him about your beliefs?”
“Not much, mostly just clearing up misunderstandings, but didn’t get much further than that. Sophia paused, contemplating her next words, then continued, “the weird thing is I think I was more surprised by our conversation than he was.
Why?
He told me he was atheist. Sophia paused.
“Interesting,” Jane said. Sophia glanced at her mom for a moment. She could see a glisten in her mom’s eyes, hoping to hear all the details. Fortunately Jane wasn’t pressing her for more info, so Sophia continued.
“And he said he couldn’t believe that a God exists who allows bad things to happen, especially to good people. So he’s chosen to not even believe in a higher being at all. He kept asking me how could a God exist with so much bad stuff happening in the world? I didn’t know what to say. I guess it made me feel kind of stupid.”
“No, you are very smart my dear, you just weren’t prepared to answer such a difficult question. .
“I’d never really thought about why bad things happen to good people, and how God allows such bad stuff to happen. In a way I felt lucky to have a great life, but selfish for not even realizing or thinking about why crappy stuff happens to others. How did I get so lucky?”
I think it’s more like you’ve been blessed. Bad things happen for many reasons Soph’.
I know, but why has my life been so good?
Your life hasn’t been all sunshine and roses either. Remember just a year ago when we first moved here? Sophia recalled her first day of tenth grade in a new school.
That was as fun as sitting in a box full of worms.
But you are fine now, I hope.” Jane leaned forward to look in Sophia’s face.
Yeah.
So how did you get through it?
I don’t know, just time I guess.
But you knew it would get better.
Yeah, ‘cause I knew it couldn’t get any worse.
So you had hope that things would get better?
Sure. So what are you getting at?
I’m just saying that you have found a way to be happy amid your trials. It’s called positive attitude, and more specifically, faith, hope, and charity.
I never thought of it like that.
I think you do a pretty good job of keeping a positive attitude, dear. Maybe this boy sees that part of you and wonders how you do it.
Maybe, Sophia sighed, I just don’t know what to say to him. It’s not like I can just tell him to have faith in God. He’s chosen not to.
True, but you can show him how having that faith has made you happier even in the midst of affliction. It could be as simple as showing him the brighter side of things.
I just don’t want to sound trite, though.
You won’t. And he might even appreciate it.
How does that answer his question of why bad things happen to good people?
That’s a tough one to answer to one who has no faith.
I know. I can’t even imagine not believing in God or Jesus Christ. I think I would be just as miserable.
I know what you mean. So that boy is looking to you for an answer. Do you have any ideas?
I’m not sure. My palms start sweating just thinking about what to say. What do you think?
Take it to the Lord
You mean I should pray about it? Sophia scoffed.
Sure!
Sophia rolled her eyes. “Praying about Adam, that’s so weird.”
You never know. But don’t get too worked up over this. Sometimes it’s best to just keep it simple. Maybe start out by inviting Adam to a church activity or something.” Jane glanced at the clock. “Oh, look at the time, we’ve gotta get going,” she said, switching modes and throwing down her towel.
Don’t forget your books, we're working on personal progress tonight . And could you call Annie Sophia? Jane babbled, in an obvious rush, as she went to gather her bags. She was second counselor in teh Young Women's presdiency, which Jane thought convenient for interacting with her teenage daughters.
“Annie! It’s time to go!” yelled Sophia as she walked down the hall. It was almost pointless yelling, it wasn’t like Annie could hear her over her flute practicing anyway.
That night after family scripture study, Sophia escaped to her room to think about her day, about her conversation with Adam, and her mom’s explanations. Now it was up to her to decide what she was willing to do. She plopped onto her unmade bed and stared at her wall calendar.
There was a combined ym/yw activity next Wednesday night. She could invite him to that one, she thought, but then what if he’s uncomfortable about going to something even remotely churchy, and says no? What then? She wasn’t prepared for ‘no’ as an answer right now and she didn’t want to have to be persuasive or pushy, that was just not who she was.
What if she invited him to something non religious to start out with but all her Mormon friends would be there? Yeah, then she could see how well he accepts her friends and their standards. Perfect, she thought, she and Annie would be hosting a party next week, and she could invite Adam to that, with no religious pressure whatsoever. She smiled feeling that her decision had been made.
Then, another thought occurred to her, what would her friends think of him? Would they be friendly to him, or dismiss him as some freak? Maybe if she prepared both sides ahead of time, they could all at least pretend to be friends for one night.
Friends, she thought. Adam wasn’t friends with any of her friends. He wouldn’t know anyone but her. She would feel obligated to entertain him all evening and she hardly even knew him herself. What was she thinking, she sighed and tossed herself back on her bed. She rubbed her eyes. The poor guy has no clue she’s scheming and planning his life for him. Give it up! Sophia exclaimed.
She sat up, remembering what her mother had suggested. “The Holy Ghost could help guide you in your missionary efforts.” Ok, maybe she could slip in a little extra request during her prayers to help her with her missionary efforts. She decided to kneel down and say her prayers and get it over with. Afterward, she opened her eyes. She felt peaceful as she sat back down on her bed.
Friends, she thought again. Just be friends with him. That’s it. Just get to know him and be a good example to him. Well, that’ll be easy, I’m already doing that.
“So, as a friend, I think I will invite Adam to the Halloween party” she said aloud to herself. “Sheesh, I sometimes make things harder than they already are,” she murmured.
Knock knock!
Who is it?
It’s Lucas.
Sophia ran over and opened her door.
Did you say something to me?
“No. I didn’t say anything.” Sophia smiled.
“Yes you did.”
“I did?” she asked covering her mouth.
“Yeah, something about a party.”
Oh. . um, yeah.
Were you talking to someone about it?
No, I was talking out loud to myself. Sophia sheepishly admitted.
Were you planning the Halloween party? Lucas’ eyes lit up.
Yeah! Just deciding on the details, what refreshments to have, who to invite, that sort of stuff.
I get to come don’t I? I am in seventh grade now you know. Old enough for school dances.
Um, sure, just act mature and you’ll be fine, though that hasn’t been too hard for you yet.
Thanks Sophia, Lucas replied grinning and turning to leave but then stopping midstep.
“Oh, and is that normal?”
What?
Talking out loud to yourself.
Oh….Of course! I mean…. at least for me it is. It helps me make decisions. I just talk out loud, in privacy, mind you, and it helps me make sense of things that seem so jumbled in my head.
Hmm, I should try that with my math homework sometime. My math has been much harder this year. Maybe if I read the problems out loud, the answers will come to me.”
You’re funny, Lucas.
What did I do?
“Oh nothing,” Sophia said messing up his hair. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” said Lucas smoothing his hair back down.
Sophia shut the door and whispered, “Next time, I need to talk out loud a little more quietly.”
Sophia entered late into the seminary room behind her impatient sister Annie Wednesday morning. Through her bleary eyes she read “Welcome to Cemetary” written in chalk across the board. Eight small gravestones had been drawn for each student in class: RIP Josh, RIP Bonnie RIP Annie, RIP Melissa etc. She noticed Sister Ellis wasn’t there yet, which was unusual.
“Who wrote that?” Sophia asked rolling her eyes.
“Melissa and I did it after seminary yesterday,” said Annie smirking.
“I don’t think we’re exactly dead in seminary I think we’re more like zombie’s” Sophia said sitting down next to Bonnie.
““Being dead means not participating in class,” Bonnie said, “and I participate.”
“Yeah, so do I,” interjected Sean, “I make sure I give my one word answers if Sister Lawrence calls on me. Let’s see what could it be this time, read your scriptures, say your prayers, or go to church?”
Bonnie sighed, “There’s more to it than that, Sean. I pity those who just go through the motions.”
“I’m just joking Bonnie. Lighten up.” Sean replied, giving her a big goofy smile and holding it, until she cracked a smile.
Sophia slapped his arm giving up, “You’re relentless Sean.”
Just then, Sister Ellis walked into the room. “Good morning brothers and sisters sorry I’m late,” said Sister Ellis as she bustled in with Josh and his sister Melissa behind her. “And aren’t we a cheerful group this morning,” she smiled hopefully. “And I overheard you already talking about today’s lesson, I’m so proud of you for doing your assigned reading. Uh.” She paused to look at the six now blank faces staring at her. She exhaled, you didn’t do your reading. It’s ok, we’ll keep trying. Never give up! I know as you read your scriptures you will strengthen your testimony and your testimony in turn will protect you as a shield would from the fiery darts of the adversary.”
“Yes Sister Ellis,” they all answered. Sophia felt a guilty pang. She hated it when Sister Ellis spoke about their sins with such loving kindness, it was the surest way to get her to feel the guilt. She admitted to herself that she had neglected her scripture reading lately. Yeah, she did read with her family nearly every night. That was good enough wasn’t it? Plus, she was so tired from having to wake up so early in the morning for seminary, she just crashed into bed each night, hardly conscious long enough to say a quick prayer before falling asleep.
After seminary, Sophia’s sister Annie exclaimed, “Let’s have a party for Halloween!” Sophia knew it was coming, Annie loved planning parties.
“A seminary Halloween party? That’s sounds like loads of fun. Not!” replied Josh.
“No, dummy. A Halloween party at our house, next Saturday, ten days from now. We could have some music and dancing. And plenty of food,” Annie replied.
“Have you talked to Mom and Dad about these plans?” asked Sophia.
“Yes, of course, last night. And they thought it would be safer for us to have a party at our house than somewhere else, and so they agreed.”
“Yeah so they can keep a close eye on us,” Sophia surmised.
“It’ll still be fun,” Annie encouraged.
“That’s true,” Sophia admitted, “It will be fun after Mom and Dad finish holding personal intereviews on all our guests. Remember my sixteenth birthday?” She thought back to her sixteenth birthday party last February. Mom and Dad had chatted with all her friends almost more than she had. At times it could be embarrassing, seeing them try to be “cool” in front of her friends or whatever it was they were trying to do.
“We’ll definitely have to talk about Mom and Dad about that. I’m sure we can come to some sort of agreement. Maybe enforce the no dumb jokes, and no sharing of embarrassing moments.”
“Ask for compromise. Good, sounds like a plan.”
Annie again addressed the seminary class. “So, do you guys want to come?”
“Yeah, as long as I don’t have to do any dancing with boys,” Bonnie replied.
“You’re asking for it Bonnie,” Sophia said under her breath realizing Sean and Josh were in the room.
“I’ll make sure she dances with boys,” said Sean smirking, “count me in,” he added to Annie.
“No you won’t, I will put you in a choke hold if you dare touch me,” said Bonnie threateningly.
“She must really want to dance with boys,” said Josh. “I’m dancing with her first though.” Sean replied in mock seriousness.
“No you’re not. Neither one of you are dancing with me. I can hurt you.”
“But will you hurt us is the real question,” snorted Josh as Sean punched him in the arm in agreement.
Bonnie grabbed Sean and Josh’s ears and pulled. Sophia grabbed Bonnie’s elbow forcing her to release the two boys.
“Ow ow ow!” yelled Sean and Josh rubbing their ears.
Sophia dragged Bonnie towards her parked minivan.
“Hey! What are you doing?!” Bonnie protested.
“I have to talk to you.”
“Yes, but. . .”
“Just calm down.”
“You don’t know what it’s like having them around. They push my buttons like nobody’s business. My common sense disappears and my blood just starts boiling.”
“They bug you because they like seeing you get all flustered. To them, it’s highly amusing.”
“Their amusement at my expense!” Sophia cried.
“Like I said, just blow it off, and they won’t bug you as much.”
“But I’m supposed to let them just tease me and I say nothing?” asked Bonnie breathlessly.
“No, just laugh at them back like you’re smarter than them, like you know something they don’t. Or you could just get really mad again, but I wouldn’t recommend it if you want to stay friends.” Bonnie glared at her. “And I’m not saying you’re friends or anything, but maybe to keep the peace,” Sophia consulted.
“Ok, so I’m supposed to just laugh at them?” Sophia nodded her head. “That’s so weird,” Bonnie exclaimed.
“Believe me, it works. You haven’t seen any boys bugging me lately have you?”
“Yes.”
“Who?” Sophia asked doubtfully.
“Adam Goodwin,” Bonnie said smugly.
“Well, he doesn’t bug me, like the way Sean and Josh bug you. They can’t even take you seriously, whereas Adam can talk seriously with me.” Bonnie looked at Sophia incredulously. Sophia inhaled and spoke louder, “and anyway, I hardly know him. He’s not even a friend. And another thing, that’s not the point. We’re talking about you,” Sophia defended. Bonnie raised her eyebrows and a small smile formed on her lips.
“Now don’t you go teasing me and acting like Josh and Sean!”
“I wasn’t. Honest. I’m just curious that’s all. I’ve just seen him hanging around you a lot lately.”
“Sitting at lunch together a few days in a row is not a lot.”
“I don’t know, I just don’t think he wants to just be your acquaintance for long.”
“Ok, we’re even now, I gave you unwanted advice and then you gave me some.”
“That’s what best friends are for, duh.” And they both laughed.
“Hey I heard my name! What are you saying about me? Eh?” said Sean as he sauntered over. Bonnie gave her a look like, take care of this for me, and she rushed over to her truck.
“Oh, Sean, you crack me up! ” Sophia said slapping her knee sarcastically. “You must be hearing things, but no time to talk now, gotta get to band, you know,” said Sophia locking eyes with Bonnie. “Well, we’ll see yah. Come on Annie,” said Sophia as she jumped into her mini-van and shut the door before Sean could reply.
Sean stood there disgruntled that he had somehow lost an opportunity to tease. Bonnie jumped into her baby blue truck and pulled out of the parking lot, smiling at Sophia in thanks. Annie pulled herself away from her best friend Melissa.
“I’ll call you” Melissa said.
“No I’ll call you at 3:30 and we can start our party planning” said Annie.
“Yes!” they both exclaimed.
“Oh, and let’s discuss if we should do skulls or bats hanging from the chandelier. Think about it!
“I will. I can’t wait!” Melissa said climbing into the car with her brother Josh.
At the end of English class, Sophia found herself thinking about Adam and wondering if she would see him today at lunch. She felt an unexpected thrill as she wondered what their conversation might be about today. What am I thinking, she asked herself. I don’t even know him, and I highly doubt he’s my type anyway.
As she entered the cafeteria and looked toward the designated band area of tables, she didn’t see Adam there. He’s probably not here yet, she thought. Her immediate feeling of disappointment surprised her. Get over it, she thought. She decided to buy her lunch so she got in line. Her mind began zoning out when a voice whispered in her ear, sending chills down her spine.
“Hey, stranger.” Sophia jumped and turned around. It was Adam.
“Why do you keep sneaking up on me like that?
“I’m not trying to sneak up on you. You’re just so lost in thought you didn’t notice me. So what are you thinking about?”
“Nothing. . . I mean, never mind. I didn’t think you normally bought cafeteria lunch. Why are you in line?”
“Just to bug you.”
“Oh thanks”
“No, I thought I’d try their hamburgers today.”
“Yeah they are actually not too bad. I think they make their own hamburger buns. Mickey D’s can’t beat that.”
They both bought their lunch and Adam followed her to the band table where he sat across from her again.
“So why are you sitting at the band table again? I thought you were a floater?”
“I am but I guess I just feel comfortable here,” he said looking into her eyes. Well at least one of us is comfortable, she thought. She breathed a sigh of relief, as she noticed Bonnie coming over.
“Hey Bonnie , come sit by us today.”
“Hey how’s it going? She said sitting down.
“Good”
“I can only stay a few minutes. I’m meeting with my English teacher about my essay.” There was an awkward silence as they all began to eat. And Sophia wondered if Bonnie and Adam would get along.
“So are you going to young women’s tonight? Bonnie asked Sophia between bites of food. “You better, or I’ll be the only one there.”
“Yeah. Of course. I am the Laurel president, I have to be there! Said Sophia, eyeing Adam.
“What’s young womens’?” asked Adam. Sophia dreaded this would happen.
“It’s a church thing. Bonnie and I go to the same church,” said Sophia hesitantly. She was not liking where this conversation was going. And then the questions of religion came.
“So are you like Baptist then?” Adam asked. Bonnie snickered. Sophia waited hoping Bonnie would answer this one.
Bonnie took the lead, “Heck no! . . .we belong to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints,” she said proudly. At least one of them didn’t shy away from the religious questions.
“Oh. . . Did you say the Church of Christ?”
“No, that’s a different church.”
“Oh, still doesn’t ring a bell.”
“Or you could call us Mormons” interjected Sophia uncomfortably.
Before Adam could ask any weird questions, Bonnie continued, “And no, we don’t grow horns on our heads.” Sophia dropped her face into her hands embarrassingly.
“I thought Mormons couldn’t drive cars or use electricity. You seem pretty normal if you ask me.”
“We try to blend in even if we grow tails that we cut off at the age of 12,” said Bonnie stifling a laugh.
“Ok I get it, you’re not weird,” Adam assured her. Bonnie stopped to look at her watch.
“Well, I gotta go now, we’ll see yah,” said Bonnie as she stuffed two last bites of fries into her mouth and headed out of the cafeteria.
Sophia uncovered her face and replied,“Yeah see yah,” wondering if it was a relief or not to have Bonnie gone.
Sophia really wanted to revert the focus away from herself, and so she asked Adam, “So do you go to church?”
“No, my mom does.”
“Where does she go?”
“She’s Presbyterian.”
“Oh, and you?”
“No, I’m atheist,” he replied understatedly. Sophia didn’t know what to say. “It doesn’t ring a bell to you?” Adam asked.
“Yeah it does. It’s just. . . have you always been atheist?”
“No, I guess when I was little I was what my mom was.
“So what changed?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh, sorry.”
“It’s ok. It’s just some bad things happened, and I decided Presbyterianism wasn’t for me, that’s all.”
“But atheist. You don’t even think there’s a God that exists?”
“How could a God exist with so much bad stuff happening in the world?” Adam asked skeptically. Sophia blinked. She had never thought about that before. Yeah, bad stuff was happening all around her, but not towards her. Her life was pretty good, compared to most.
All she could muster was “I don’t know why exactly.”
“If there really is a God, he wouldn’t let such bad stuff happen.”
Sophia looked into Adam’s eyes. His brown eyes seemed almost black to her. A slight crease formed between his dark eyebrows, as if he was concentrating on holding some tangible pain back from his consciousness. She felt a sudden instinct to comfort him, but fear overruled.
Adam looked down caught up in his unknown desperate thoughts. She wondered what could have happened to shake his faith so much to not even believe a God exists. She was too afraid to even explore the possibilities.
She pretended to be interested in her hamburger and bit into it like she had suddenly realized she was starving. She stole glances at Adam who was drowning his fries in ketchup.
Then an epiphany came to her in that instant. He’s searching for something, she thought. He wants answers. I’ve got answers, the Church has answers. She contemplated what she would say next, debating if she should invite him to the next youth activity or to just hand him a pass- along card next time she saw him, and be done with the topic. Then, the bell rang breaking her train of thought, and relieving her of her missionary duties for the day.
Sophia jumped up a little too anxiously and said, “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah,” Adam replied perfunctorily, not even looking up to say ‘bye’.
The next hour, Sophia sat in her chemistry class, feeling guilty with no explanation. Why was she feeling guilty? She didn’t do anything wrong. Did she accidentally look at Adam weirdly when he told her he was atheist? Was she not sympathetic enough when he gave his brief explanation for his religious affiliation, or rather unaffiliation? Was he mad at her for not giving him an educated answer to his question of why God would let bad things happen to good people? Up till now, he seemed amazed by Sophia and everything that came out of her mouth. Maybe he was disappointed by her now. She felt a bit ashamed. She glanced over Bonnie’s shoulder hoping she had been taking notes. She couldn’t concentrate, especially on chemistry.
That night after dinner, it was Sophia’s turn to help her mother, Jane, with dishes and kitchen cleanup. As she rinsed and loaded glasses and plates into the dishwasher, her mind continued to mull over her conversation with Adam that day. She felt like she needed to do something about it, but she wasn’t sure what. Like she had an itch but couldn’t find where to scratch. Jane noticed Sophia’s unusual silence, as she put food into the refrigerator. She pulled some steel wool from a drawer and began scrubbing off the black on the bottom of a pan.
“No matter how careful I am, how I stir constantly, I can’t seem to keep milk from burning! You would think I would learn not to cook milk at all over the stove. Note to self, only use a can of condensed milk,” Jane decided, half talking to herself.”
“Yeah,” Sophia replied absentmindedly.
“So how was your day?” Jane asked not looking up, but pretending to concentrate only on her scrubbing.
“Fine” Sophia said idly swirling some water in a glass.
“Learn anything new?” the common tongue in cheek question.
“I guess.”
“Like what?” she asked lightly.
“Like how awkward it is to talk about the Church at school.”
“How did. . . that. . . come up?” Jane asked straining as she put more muscle into her scrubbing. Sophia sighed and wondered if she was up to this conversation with her mom. She slowly put a glass into the top rack.
“I have this friend, er, this guy I know was talking to me about religion today,” Sophia began.
“Oh really, was he asking questions about the Church?” Jane asked, intrigued.
“Kind of. It kind of came up as Bonnie and I were talking about young women’s tonight.”
“Did you end up having to tell him about your beliefs?”
“Not much, mostly just clearing up misunderstandings, but didn’t get much further than that. Sophia paused, contemplating her next words, then continued, “the weird thing is I think I was more surprised by our conversation than he was.
Why?
He told me he was atheist. Sophia paused.
“Interesting,” Jane said. Sophia glanced at her mom for a moment. She could see a glisten in her mom’s eyes, hoping to hear all the details. Fortunately Jane wasn’t pressing her for more info, so Sophia continued.
“And he said he couldn’t believe that a God exists who allows bad things to happen, especially to good people. So he’s chosen to not even believe in a higher being at all. He kept asking me how could a God exist with so much bad stuff happening in the world? I didn’t know what to say. I guess it made me feel kind of stupid.”
“No, you are very smart my dear, you just weren’t prepared to answer such a difficult question. .
“I’d never really thought about why bad things happen to good people, and how God allows such bad stuff to happen. In a way I felt lucky to have a great life, but selfish for not even realizing or thinking about why crappy stuff happens to others. How did I get so lucky?”
I think it’s more like you’ve been blessed. Bad things happen for many reasons Soph’.
I know, but why has my life been so good?
Your life hasn’t been all sunshine and roses either. Remember just a year ago when we first moved here? Sophia recalled her first day of tenth grade in a new school.
That was as fun as sitting in a box full of worms.
But you are fine now, I hope.” Jane leaned forward to look in Sophia’s face.
Yeah.
So how did you get through it?
I don’t know, just time I guess.
But you knew it would get better.
Yeah, ‘cause I knew it couldn’t get any worse.
So you had hope that things would get better?
Sure. So what are you getting at?
I’m just saying that you have found a way to be happy amid your trials. It’s called positive attitude, and more specifically, faith, hope, and charity.
I never thought of it like that.
I think you do a pretty good job of keeping a positive attitude, dear. Maybe this boy sees that part of you and wonders how you do it.
Maybe, Sophia sighed, I just don’t know what to say to him. It’s not like I can just tell him to have faith in God. He’s chosen not to.
True, but you can show him how having that faith has made you happier even in the midst of affliction. It could be as simple as showing him the brighter side of things.
I just don’t want to sound trite, though.
You won’t. And he might even appreciate it.
How does that answer his question of why bad things happen to good people?
That’s a tough one to answer to one who has no faith.
I know. I can’t even imagine not believing in God or Jesus Christ. I think I would be just as miserable.
I know what you mean. So that boy is looking to you for an answer. Do you have any ideas?
I’m not sure. My palms start sweating just thinking about what to say. What do you think?
Take it to the Lord
You mean I should pray about it? Sophia scoffed.
Sure!
Sophia rolled her eyes. “Praying about Adam, that’s so weird.”
You never know. But don’t get too worked up over this. Sometimes it’s best to just keep it simple. Maybe start out by inviting Adam to a church activity or something.” Jane glanced at the clock. “Oh, look at the time, we’ve gotta get going,” she said, switching modes and throwing down her towel.
Don’t forget your books, we're working on personal progress tonight . And could you call Annie Sophia? Jane babbled, in an obvious rush, as she went to gather her bags. She was second counselor in teh Young Women's presdiency, which Jane thought convenient for interacting with her teenage daughters.
“Annie! It’s time to go!” yelled Sophia as she walked down the hall. It was almost pointless yelling, it wasn’t like Annie could hear her over her flute practicing anyway.
That night after family scripture study, Sophia escaped to her room to think about her day, about her conversation with Adam, and her mom’s explanations. Now it was up to her to decide what she was willing to do. She plopped onto her unmade bed and stared at her wall calendar.
There was a combined ym/yw activity next Wednesday night. She could invite him to that one, she thought, but then what if he’s uncomfortable about going to something even remotely churchy, and says no? What then? She wasn’t prepared for ‘no’ as an answer right now and she didn’t want to have to be persuasive or pushy, that was just not who she was.
What if she invited him to something non religious to start out with but all her Mormon friends would be there? Yeah, then she could see how well he accepts her friends and their standards. Perfect, she thought, she and Annie would be hosting a party next week, and she could invite Adam to that, with no religious pressure whatsoever. She smiled feeling that her decision had been made.
Then, another thought occurred to her, what would her friends think of him? Would they be friendly to him, or dismiss him as some freak? Maybe if she prepared both sides ahead of time, they could all at least pretend to be friends for one night.
Friends, she thought. Adam wasn’t friends with any of her friends. He wouldn’t know anyone but her. She would feel obligated to entertain him all evening and she hardly even knew him herself. What was she thinking, she sighed and tossed herself back on her bed. She rubbed her eyes. The poor guy has no clue she’s scheming and planning his life for him. Give it up! Sophia exclaimed.
She sat up, remembering what her mother had suggested. “The Holy Ghost could help guide you in your missionary efforts.” Ok, maybe she could slip in a little extra request during her prayers to help her with her missionary efforts. She decided to kneel down and say her prayers and get it over with. Afterward, she opened her eyes. She felt peaceful as she sat back down on her bed.
Friends, she thought again. Just be friends with him. That’s it. Just get to know him and be a good example to him. Well, that’ll be easy, I’m already doing that.
“So, as a friend, I think I will invite Adam to the Halloween party” she said aloud to herself. “Sheesh, I sometimes make things harder than they already are,” she murmured.
Knock knock!
Who is it?
It’s Lucas.
Sophia ran over and opened her door.
Did you say something to me?
“No. I didn’t say anything.” Sophia smiled.
“Yes you did.”
“I did?” she asked covering her mouth.
“Yeah, something about a party.”
Oh. . um, yeah.
Were you talking to someone about it?
No, I was talking out loud to myself. Sophia sheepishly admitted.
Were you planning the Halloween party? Lucas’ eyes lit up.
Yeah! Just deciding on the details, what refreshments to have, who to invite, that sort of stuff.
I get to come don’t I? I am in seventh grade now you know. Old enough for school dances.
Um, sure, just act mature and you’ll be fine, though that hasn’t been too hard for you yet.
Thanks Sophia, Lucas replied grinning and turning to leave but then stopping midstep.
“Oh, and is that normal?”
What?
Talking out loud to yourself.
Oh….Of course! I mean…. at least for me it is. It helps me make decisions. I just talk out loud, in privacy, mind you, and it helps me make sense of things that seem so jumbled in my head.
Hmm, I should try that with my math homework sometime. My math has been much harder this year. Maybe if I read the problems out loud, the answers will come to me.”
You’re funny, Lucas.
What did I do?
“Oh nothing,” Sophia said messing up his hair. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” said Lucas smoothing his hair back down.
Sophia shut the door and whispered, “Next time, I need to talk out loud a little more quietly.”
Chapter 2 Adam
Chapter 2
A week went by. Sophia buried herself in schoolwork and band practices and prayed that time would pass by quickly. The quicker it did, the quicker her heart would heal.
The third period bell rang, which startled Sophia as she exited the world of Jane Austen. Mrs. Lawrence spoke over the rising classroom noise. “Don’t forget, your final drafts of your essays on a female author are due on Halloween. That makes it easy for you to remember to get your essays turned in on time. Halloween, two weeks from today! Don’t forget or an automatic ten points are docked from the final grade. Have a great weekend!”
Mrs. Lawrence knew just how to spoil a student’s fun. Sophia wondered if Mrs. Lawrence was the kind of teacher who assigned homework over Christmas break also.
She picked up her books and headed to the cafeteria. As she headed down the hallway, she noticed little purple paper bats, and orange angry jackolanterns dangling on thin strings, precariously hung from paper clips poked into the ceiling panels. Indiscernible webs covered dark corners. She wouldn’t be surprised if they were real. Glittery banners stating things like “Happy Halloween” and “Have a Spooktacular Day” draped the walls above the lockers. She smiled despite their cheesy, elementary-school decorations. At least all the orange decorations matched the school colors of orange and white, going perfectly with the hideous orange painted lockers lining the corridors.
After she bought her lunch, she found an empty space at the end of one long table filled with band members. It didn’t matter where you sat with the band kids. They were pretty accepting of people, mostly because a large amount of them got teased for being in band. Oh well, she thought, we’re proud of our musical talent despite the goofy cumber buns and plumes we have to wear during marching season she chuckled to herself.
“Hey Bonnie,” she said noticing her best friend sitting at the booth adjacent to the long table.
“I tried to save you a spot at this table, but Josh and Sean don’t know any decency or how to respect women!” Bonnie explained, scowling at the two smirking boys sitting at her booth.
“C’mon you know you love us,” oozed Josh who had his leg propped up on the bench across from her.
“No she doesn’t, jerk. She’s my girlfriend right, Bonnie? So give up the act,” said Sean cornering Bonnie in the booth and attempting to slyly place his arm around her in a fake yawn.
“I’m regretting the day in seminary when I publicly announced I had sworn off boys. No matter what I do, they don’t seem to take the hint! Bonnie said trying to push Sean away.
Sophia laughed, “yeah that probably wasn’t the best idea.”
“What do you mean? I always thought if a girl says she hates boys, she really means that she loves em. I’m getting the hint just fine,” said Josh raising his eyebrows and smooching the air towards Bonnie.
“You guys give her a break already will you?’
“Not until you announce at the beginning of seminary like Bonnie that you’ve sworn off boys too. We can’t live without making someone’s life miserable!” said Josh.
“I think I’ll pass,” said Sophia sitting down at the long table. She looked up and noticed a complete stranger sitting right across from her.
“Hey,” the stranger said.
“Hey” Sophia looked at him quizzically for a moment. She recognized him but she didn’t know his name. And here he was sitting across from her, like they were old friends.
“I’m Adam Goodwin, but most people call me A.D. D is short for David not deficit.” Sophia laughed as she got the joke. “You like your mashed potatoes?” he asked.
“Not really, they’re not the real kind, Sophia replied jabbing her mound of potatoes with her fork.
“Yeah with the lumpy pieces,” Adam agreed.
“Hmmm?” she mumbled as she took a sip of milk.
“Real mashed potatoes still have lumpiness to them.”
“Oh, yeah, these ones are too smooth, not real, definitely not real.”
They smiled at eachother. She noticed the dimples in his otherwise ordinary face when he smiled. She had a weakness for dimples. Jared had dimples too. She looked down before her sudden interest betrayed her. Or was it his sudden interest which made her a little uncomfortable. He seemed to think Sophia was more interesting than all these other people at the table. He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off her.
She hadn’t felt that feeling of being special to someone since Jared. She missed that feeling. There was now an empty space in her center, just waiting to be filled. The wound in her soul had not completely closed up. There was no denying to herself that she still loved him. She just mostly had to ignore her feelings. But somehow this stranger was pulling those feelings back up to the surface. Not now, she thought, I’m talking to another boy. What would she say if he asked her what she was thinking right now? She looked up at Adam, relieved to see he was still talking to her.
“I spare myself from the cafeteria food altogether.” He said sipping from his can of soda.
“It’s a conspiracy, those cafeteria ladies want us to hate the food. I think they hate their jobs that much. I would too if I had their job, especially if I had to wear one of those dumb hairnets,” he said. She smiled, playing along. She studied him with mock interest. He had a thick shock of wild and wavy black hair.
“First of all I don’t think you could tame your hair enough to get it in a hairnet,” Sophia said.
“Oh thanks,” said Adam.
“And once you did you’d fit right in with the gangster crowd. So cafeteria lady is probably not the vocation for you,” she said smugly.
“Oh thanks again. So you think I’m a bad boy huh?” Adam asked
“No, I didn’t mean that. I meant because you’re wearing black right now, you would blend in well.”
“That’s not the gangsters. That’s the Goths who wear black,” Adam said seriously.
“Well, I meant that . . .”
“Hey, I’m just giving you a hard time.”
“Oh, thanks.”
“No problem. It’s what I do best.”
“So do you consider yourself a Goth?” Sophia asked nonchalantly.
“No not really, I’m more like a floater. I like to try new things. I have friends in all sorts of groups. Like Travis here. He’s my drummer friend. Jake over there is my preppy friend. Chris who’s not in school anymore is my Goth friend, and Bonnie,” pointing to Sophia’s best friend, “is my girlfriend but it’s supposed to be a secret.”
“Yeah whatever!” She looked at Bonnie to see if she heard.
“Hey are you talking about me?” Bonnie glared. “No one talks about me behind my back. So I’ll turn around. Go ahead, what’s your name? Adam, is it?” Bonnie asked.
Sophia laughed and said, “Oh, he was just saying you’re his g. . .” She stopped abruptly, noticing Bonnie’s mood obviously had switched from slightly bothered/amused to ready to blow up at the next thing that blinked the wrong way.
“I meant good acquaintance was all,” Adam said feigning innocence.
“That doesn’t surprise me. Guys never have anything important to say to us girls. It’s all about sports, or how well they play the drums, or when they’re going to get together and play Xbox again or who’s gettin’ the next swirly. Pathetic if you ask me. Pathetic!” Bonnie spat, and bits of food flew out of her mouth onto Josh’s shirt sitting across from her. The two guys at her booth looked at eachother, their smiles wiped straight. She wasn’t playing funny anymore they thought with knowing glances.
Sean mouthed “PMS.”
“What was that Sean?” Bonnie glared.
“Uh. . . nothin’ Well, I gotta go now, Josh said quickly easing out of the booth.
“Yeah, we’ll, um, we’ll see yah, Bonnie,” said Sean and the two of them took off.
Bonnie looked at Sophia, her evil eyes melted away into a careless grin. “Aaaah, finally some peace. Now, what was it I just did to get those buggers to leave?” Sophia relaxed and grinned.
“Um, I think it had something to do with their pride, or complete confusion” Sophia smirked.
“Great, I’ll have to remember that more often!” and Bonnie turned back around to pull out an unfinished essay to work on.
“Wow, she’s a piece of work. Is she your friend?” asked Adam.
“Yeah, actually best friend.”
“So she’s really sworn off guys huh? Is that a requirement to be part of your club?”
“Club? No it’s just Bonnie.”
“So you haven’t sworn off guys, or boyfriends have you?
“No,” Sophia said looking at him quizzically.
“Soooo. . . speaking of girlfriends and boyfriends, do you have one?” Adam asked, looking straight into Sophia’s eyes. That was quite a direct question, Sophia thought, but she thought she’d play along, it was all a game right?
“A girlfriend or a boyfriend? Hmmm well, Bonnie’s my girlfriend, or actually best friend. Boyfriend is an ambiguous word. What do you mean by boyfriend?”
He had a smirk on his face. He leaned forward on his elbows and clasped his palms together. He looked straight into her eyes.
“You know what I mean.” She rolled her eyes and admitted herself.
“Well, actually no, but I’m happily independent,” she replied, realizing that was a half truth. Hadn’t Jared just dumped her in a letter last week? She suddenly felt very self conscious. She was not doing well at playing his game.
Adam sensed she was uncomfortable. “Sorry, I can be blunt sometimes. As I said, giving people a hard time is what I do! Maybe you could teach me the art of good manners.”
“Are you serious? I’ve never met a guy who wanted to learn good manners.”
“You seem to be an expert on behaving well.”
“What do you mean? How do you know?”
“You just seem like a goody goody.”
“You know that has a negative connotation. Nobody wants to be called that.”
“I mean, you just seem like a ‘good girl.’”
“Oh, that’s not much better. You don’t know if I’m just a bad girl underneath.”
“I think that would be hard to believe, you’re always smiling. Nice to everyone, and there’s something about your eyes that’s different.
“Oh, yes, my eyes. Along with being a bad girl underneath my goody outer shell, I also have X-ray vision. Palease.”
“No I’m serious. You have amazing eyes, I can’t get enough of them. That was the first thing I noticed about you.
She looked at him incredulously. She had never heard a boy tell her that, not even her ex boyfriend Jared. He had a straight face this time and he was staring into her eyes, as if trying to uncover the mystery behind them. She felt the heat rising to her cheeks.
“So,” she said, looking away and tapping her fork on the tray, “do you like or hate good girls? Since I am one, I have to know upfront.”
“Oh don’t worry, I like good girls, he said with a smile edging back onto his face.
“Um ok.”
“What?”
“You just don’t seem like the type,” she said observing his black Rage Against the Machine t-shirt, the skull earring in his left ear, and, she would never mention this to him, but there was something different about his eyes too. It was as if she were staring into two pools in the dark, not able to see but a shimmer covering endless deepness.
“What do you mean? You think I’m a bad boy huh?” he asked looking hurt. “So you’re turning the name calling back to me huh?”
“Um no, I’m sorry. You know it’s my pet peeve when people make prejudgments about me but then I turn right around and judge everyone around me. I am a hypocrite, I’m so sorry,” Sophia apologized.
“See, there you go.”
“What?”
“You seem to have an objective view of yourself. Like you are able to take a step away from yourself to see what you are doing right or wrong. Like you’re self conscious of right and wrong. The rest of us are just self-conscious.” He seemed to be somewhat amazed by her at this point.
“Oh. Well, I’m just self conscious too.” And realizing she was saying just how she felt at that moment, made her blush crimson.
The lunch bell rang and Sophia jumped up startled. “Um I’ve gotta get to my Chemistry class, theres’ a pop quiz today.” She grabbed her tray to leave.
I’d still like to learn the art of, what is it called, etiquette. I still want to learn how you do it. How you pull off the goody goody act,” Adam asked.
“You can’t be serious.”
“I can, if I get to see you again.”
She raised an eyebrow. “We’ll see.”
“I’ll be waiting for your answer on Monday,” see you Monday.
Ok, yeah like when was she going to see him again? This school was so big. Probably lunch. Maybe he will forget about their conversation by Monday. She didn’t know if she ever wanted to see him again. Talk about bold. That was always annoying to her. People, especially guys who were too confident in themselves, it was almost like they had some great flaw they had to hide.
She walked quickly away and met up with Bonnie and Tanya who were also heading to Chemistry.
“I saw you talking to Adam. That looked weird. Skater Dude talking to you.”
“I know. It felt weird. Not that I’m self centered or anything, but he seemed to have a strange fascination with me.”
“Yeah that’s for sure!” Bonnie agreed, “you both were so engrossed you didn’t even notice when I tried to tell you that you had some food on your chin.” Sophia grabbed her chin. “Just kidding”
Bonnie sure did have a way with people Sophia thought. She took a deep breath trying to feel composed.
“Anyway, you seem to know Adam. What’s he like?”
“I don’t really know him. I just hear of him.”
“Oh, what do you hear, good stuff or bad stuff, or just ordinary stuff,” she said trying not to sound too interested.
“Oh well, do you remember Chris Crosswood?”
“No, but he did mention his name. He said he dropped out of school or something?”
“Yeah he was known as the biggest druggy in school, that is, until he dropped out last year. He was probably too stoned to ever do any studying, she said tragically.
“Anyway, the two of them, Chris and Adam were always hanging out together, and probably ditching out together.”
Bonnie opened the clanking locker door the two girls shared, and pulled out a binder.
“According to Bonnie’s life instruction book, those guys are losers with a capital L,” said Bonnie holding her thumb and finger up in the shape of an L on her forehead.
He didn’t seem too bad to her, she thought as they headed off to chemistry, except maybe in appearance, but otherwise he seemed pretty average. She did wonder in the back of her mind if Adam was into drugs but she didn’t want to make prejudgments about him. She subconsciously decided to give him more time before she just blew him off.
Monday, at the end of lunch, Sophia realized that Adam wasn’t around at all. Some people like to just talk, she thought, maybe that’s how Adam was. He talked on Friday like he was so sure he would be talking with her on Monday, Sophia almost expected it. Oh well, now she knew, he wasn’t a man of his word. So she chose to forget about him.
The following Tuesday after English Lit., Sophia, headed to the library to check out a couple books on stem cell research for her debate class, before heading to lunch. Their first real class debate would be coming up on Friday and she wanted to be prepared for the onslaught on the side she would be taking on the issue. So here she was at the dungeon of the school, simultaneously dusting and opening each book she touched in her last minute attempts at attaining the required five library sources.
She sat down cross legged on the repulsive orange industrial carpet that smelled of a thousand years of teenage feet. As she stared at the spines of several dusty books on a shelf, she felt a light tap on her shoulder, so light, she thought she imagined it. She ignored it and began to pull a book down. Another tap. She turned her head and jumped as she noticed a pair of Vans that had magically appeared beside her.
She looked up to see black baggy jeans garnered by a long chain leading to a deep pocket filled by a pale hand, a Black Sabbath t-shirt, a slight smile framed by dimples, deep set eyes, and unruly hair.
“Oh. Hi Adam” she said a little too loudly, as she attempted to stand up, but dropping her notebook. Adam quickly picked up her notebook.
“Sorry I wasn’t at school yesterday. But I’m back today. Now where did we leave off?” he asked.
“Um,” she replied trying to remember. Adam looked down at Sophia’s notebook in his hands.
“Adult Stem cells versus Embryonic Stem Cells, he read, as he flipped through her notebook as if it were his own. Very interesting. A highly controversial issue, so I’ve heard. You like a challenge then don’t you?”
“I don’t know. I thought it might be easier because I know my opinion on the subject, or I thought I did.”
“So what is currently your opinion on stem cells?”
“You really want to know?”
“Yeah, show me how your mind works.”
Sophia blinked at him who took her off guard. She looked down at her notebook in his hands.
“Well. . .” she took a deep breath, “initially I was against the idea of stem cell research because they do more harm than good. The only way I thought you could retrieve stem cells was from an aborted fetus. Which I am against, by the way. . .”
“Against what, abortion or fetuses?”
“Huh? Abortion, of course.”
“I’m just kidding, I know what you mean. Go on,” Adam encouraged amusingly.
“You really want to hear about this, Sophia asked uncertainly.”
“Yes, I do, it’s a habit to joke, even if I’m seriously listening. Seriously, go on.”
“Ok, if you insist.”
“I insist,” he said wiping the smile from his face. Sophia smiled and shook her head. He held his straight face.
“Ok” she said slowly, “anyway, I learned that there are several types of stem cells, and embryonic are the only type that are controversial, mostly because an embryo must be created and then destroyed to harvest the stem cells, wheras, the adult stem cells can be retrieved from the umbilical cord from a live baby after it is born. This causes no pain to either mother or child. So then I was reading about the healing stories as a result of harvesting stem cells and. . .”
Sophia stopped and looked at Adam for a response, worrying that he could care less about this subject.” He nodded his head for her to continue. “So anyway I’m supposed to prepare an argument against stem cell research, but the more I work on this assignment, the more I’m persuaded to support it. So it’s getting harder by the minute, you know what I mean? Oh, nevermind. I can tell this is boring you to death.” She paused and stared at him. He stood just staring at her with a slight smile. Sophia said, “you haven’t said anything for like two minutes.”
“It’s ‘cause I’m speechless. You continue to amaze me, you rock in music, you have amazing eyes, you’re nice, and now smart. What surprise will you come up with next?’ Adam said amazed.
“Oh please,” she said placing a loose strand of brown hair behind her ear. “This is for my debate class. We are having our first real class debate this Friday. I really want to be prepared. I’m not exactly the best arguer. There are some real persuasive kids in my class.”
“So why are you taking debate; I thought it was an elective,” Adam said handing her notebook back. She noticed his hand brushed hers for a split second in the exchange.
“Um, my dad said I should take debate to learn to state my views better and to strengthen my public speaking skills.”
“Wow, your Dad told you to? I don’t know too many Dads like that.”
“Yeah, he cares a lot about my education and grades and stuff.”
“So your dad thinks you need to learn how to state your opinion?”
“I guess I need to practice stating my opinions openly and with sound evidence. I’m not the best at stating my views, especially when there’s a stronger voice in the room. I tend to keep my mouth shut. I guess being verbally persuasive is a better description of what I lack. I guess I have a hard time making decisions too.”
“You seemed to tell me pretty well, just now, what your opinion is.”
“I did?”
“Yah, it’s like you couldn’t seem to stop either.”
“Well, maybe you’re just a good listener. I never do well, when there’s a louder personality in the room.”
“And I’m not loud!?” Adam asked raising his voice and holding out his arms?
“Ssshhhh! We’re in the library!” she said looking around, and noticing almost no one else in the library but the librarian, who eyed them suspiciously from behind her romance novel.
“I’m just kidding, I know what you mean. But I think you’re wrong.”
“What do you mean?
“Well you may not think you say your views very well, but you state them well in other ways, even to the point of persuading.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know, like your actions I guess. You’re somewhat mysterious in that way to me.”
“Who me?”
“Yeah. I’m curious to know what it is that makes you do what you do.”
“Oh.” Adam made her speechless, and the red began to quickly color her cheeks. This conversation was quickly turning serious. Sophia wasn’t sure she wanted to go there. There was a long pause. Sophia began nervously ruffling through her notebook.
Adam punched his palm and swore, piercing the dead air with his words.
“I’m such a freaking loser. I haven’t been here more than ten minutes and already you think I’m a crazed maniac stalker. I should take a hint when I see one. I’ll let you be. See yah ‘round.” Adam turned and quickly dragged his feet away.
“Wait!”, Sophia, who was almost floored by his sudden reaction, scrambled to pick up her books. The librarian slammed down her book, displeased. “Sorry,” Sophia whispered to her and ran to catch up to Adam. He stopped outside the doors and turned around surprised.
“I don’t think you’re a loser.” Sophia said as they walked toward the cafeteria.
“It’s ok, you don’t have to make me feel better. I’m sorry it’s just a bad day,” he said.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“Yeah.” He looked up into her face and his mood slowly lightened again.
She was becoming more curious about Adam by the minute. “So what brought you to the library today?” She hoped he hadn’t just followed her here. That would start to get a little weird.
“My English class was in the library today,” Adam said. Sophia eyed him suspiciously. “No I didn’t follow you in here. Now that would be a real loser. I don’t stoop that low. We were working on research papers. Whoo hoo!”
“Yeah really. It seems all English teachers are thinking alike, they want to assign research papers even before the first semester is over with.”
“Yeah really. But I suck at writing.”
“I don’t think it’s that easy for anyone, even the best writers probably have to spend a lot of time making their work perfect.
“But I really hate writing.”
“I do too. It’s really hard. But I’ve realized it’s way more fun to write about something you think is cool. I don’t know like hobbies or something.”
“Like I have any.”
“Well, you seem to have a certain taste in music.”
What? Compare and contrast alternative band lyrics? I laugh just picturing my teacher fainting from reading all the cuss words in my paper. . . That might be worth it!”
They arrived at the cafeteria already full of students eating and milling around. It wasn’t a particularly large room, her class of 2008 was only 250 students. So it seemed everyone knew eachother, and gossiped about eachother. She started to move toward the buffet area to move out of the line of eyes of friends at the band table. Second time being seen in public with Adam. They probably looked weird standing next to eachother. Goody-goody girl with goth guy, or whatever he was.
“Well, I’m gonna get some great cafeteria food!” Sophia said sarcastically.
“Yeah ok we’ll see yah,” Adam said. She watched him walk over to the vending machines and buy a pop and chips. I don’t know how anyone can live off of sugar water and grease, she thought, and then observed the cafeteria menu of fruit cocktail and pizza, and decided they were both equal.
Sophia sighed in relief that no one had seen them together as she watched him sit down at a nearly full table. She wasn’t in the mood to answer any taunting questions today about her choice in acquaintences. Though, she didn’t really choose him, he chose her. Anyway, she was also glad that Adam hadn’t pestered her about her so-called goody-goody act. It made her really uncomfortable talking about her religious beliefs with anyone. She knew that’s what he meant. She didn’t know too many people who were so-called goody-goody, who weren’t religious in her school unless they were super smart, and getting over 4.0’s per semester. She knew she wasn’t the latter. That was obvious, she was barely getting by with a C in American History, and the rest were a mixture of A’s and B’s. She didn’t go around flaunting her intelligence either, except for the recent spectacle Adam just coaxed from her about her debate topic. Anyhow she looked at it, he was trying to uncover the goodness she possessed, and if she let him, she would have to open up about her religion. She cringed at the thought. She preferred to show her religious beliefs by her actions than ever tell anyone that she was a Mormon.
A week went by. Sophia buried herself in schoolwork and band practices and prayed that time would pass by quickly. The quicker it did, the quicker her heart would heal.
The third period bell rang, which startled Sophia as she exited the world of Jane Austen. Mrs. Lawrence spoke over the rising classroom noise. “Don’t forget, your final drafts of your essays on a female author are due on Halloween. That makes it easy for you to remember to get your essays turned in on time. Halloween, two weeks from today! Don’t forget or an automatic ten points are docked from the final grade. Have a great weekend!”
Mrs. Lawrence knew just how to spoil a student’s fun. Sophia wondered if Mrs. Lawrence was the kind of teacher who assigned homework over Christmas break also.
She picked up her books and headed to the cafeteria. As she headed down the hallway, she noticed little purple paper bats, and orange angry jackolanterns dangling on thin strings, precariously hung from paper clips poked into the ceiling panels. Indiscernible webs covered dark corners. She wouldn’t be surprised if they were real. Glittery banners stating things like “Happy Halloween” and “Have a Spooktacular Day” draped the walls above the lockers. She smiled despite their cheesy, elementary-school decorations. At least all the orange decorations matched the school colors of orange and white, going perfectly with the hideous orange painted lockers lining the corridors.
After she bought her lunch, she found an empty space at the end of one long table filled with band members. It didn’t matter where you sat with the band kids. They were pretty accepting of people, mostly because a large amount of them got teased for being in band. Oh well, she thought, we’re proud of our musical talent despite the goofy cumber buns and plumes we have to wear during marching season she chuckled to herself.
“Hey Bonnie,” she said noticing her best friend sitting at the booth adjacent to the long table.
“I tried to save you a spot at this table, but Josh and Sean don’t know any decency or how to respect women!” Bonnie explained, scowling at the two smirking boys sitting at her booth.
“C’mon you know you love us,” oozed Josh who had his leg propped up on the bench across from her.
“No she doesn’t, jerk. She’s my girlfriend right, Bonnie? So give up the act,” said Sean cornering Bonnie in the booth and attempting to slyly place his arm around her in a fake yawn.
“I’m regretting the day in seminary when I publicly announced I had sworn off boys. No matter what I do, they don’t seem to take the hint! Bonnie said trying to push Sean away.
Sophia laughed, “yeah that probably wasn’t the best idea.”
“What do you mean? I always thought if a girl says she hates boys, she really means that she loves em. I’m getting the hint just fine,” said Josh raising his eyebrows and smooching the air towards Bonnie.
“You guys give her a break already will you?’
“Not until you announce at the beginning of seminary like Bonnie that you’ve sworn off boys too. We can’t live without making someone’s life miserable!” said Josh.
“I think I’ll pass,” said Sophia sitting down at the long table. She looked up and noticed a complete stranger sitting right across from her.
“Hey,” the stranger said.
“Hey” Sophia looked at him quizzically for a moment. She recognized him but she didn’t know his name. And here he was sitting across from her, like they were old friends.
“I’m Adam Goodwin, but most people call me A.D. D is short for David not deficit.” Sophia laughed as she got the joke. “You like your mashed potatoes?” he asked.
“Not really, they’re not the real kind, Sophia replied jabbing her mound of potatoes with her fork.
“Yeah with the lumpy pieces,” Adam agreed.
“Hmmm?” she mumbled as she took a sip of milk.
“Real mashed potatoes still have lumpiness to them.”
“Oh, yeah, these ones are too smooth, not real, definitely not real.”
They smiled at eachother. She noticed the dimples in his otherwise ordinary face when he smiled. She had a weakness for dimples. Jared had dimples too. She looked down before her sudden interest betrayed her. Or was it his sudden interest which made her a little uncomfortable. He seemed to think Sophia was more interesting than all these other people at the table. He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off her.
She hadn’t felt that feeling of being special to someone since Jared. She missed that feeling. There was now an empty space in her center, just waiting to be filled. The wound in her soul had not completely closed up. There was no denying to herself that she still loved him. She just mostly had to ignore her feelings. But somehow this stranger was pulling those feelings back up to the surface. Not now, she thought, I’m talking to another boy. What would she say if he asked her what she was thinking right now? She looked up at Adam, relieved to see he was still talking to her.
“I spare myself from the cafeteria food altogether.” He said sipping from his can of soda.
“It’s a conspiracy, those cafeteria ladies want us to hate the food. I think they hate their jobs that much. I would too if I had their job, especially if I had to wear one of those dumb hairnets,” he said. She smiled, playing along. She studied him with mock interest. He had a thick shock of wild and wavy black hair.
“First of all I don’t think you could tame your hair enough to get it in a hairnet,” Sophia said.
“Oh thanks,” said Adam.
“And once you did you’d fit right in with the gangster crowd. So cafeteria lady is probably not the vocation for you,” she said smugly.
“Oh thanks again. So you think I’m a bad boy huh?” Adam asked
“No, I didn’t mean that. I meant because you’re wearing black right now, you would blend in well.”
“That’s not the gangsters. That’s the Goths who wear black,” Adam said seriously.
“Well, I meant that . . .”
“Hey, I’m just giving you a hard time.”
“Oh, thanks.”
“No problem. It’s what I do best.”
“So do you consider yourself a Goth?” Sophia asked nonchalantly.
“No not really, I’m more like a floater. I like to try new things. I have friends in all sorts of groups. Like Travis here. He’s my drummer friend. Jake over there is my preppy friend. Chris who’s not in school anymore is my Goth friend, and Bonnie,” pointing to Sophia’s best friend, “is my girlfriend but it’s supposed to be a secret.”
“Yeah whatever!” She looked at Bonnie to see if she heard.
“Hey are you talking about me?” Bonnie glared. “No one talks about me behind my back. So I’ll turn around. Go ahead, what’s your name? Adam, is it?” Bonnie asked.
Sophia laughed and said, “Oh, he was just saying you’re his g. . .” She stopped abruptly, noticing Bonnie’s mood obviously had switched from slightly bothered/amused to ready to blow up at the next thing that blinked the wrong way.
“I meant good acquaintance was all,” Adam said feigning innocence.
“That doesn’t surprise me. Guys never have anything important to say to us girls. It’s all about sports, or how well they play the drums, or when they’re going to get together and play Xbox again or who’s gettin’ the next swirly. Pathetic if you ask me. Pathetic!” Bonnie spat, and bits of food flew out of her mouth onto Josh’s shirt sitting across from her. The two guys at her booth looked at eachother, their smiles wiped straight. She wasn’t playing funny anymore they thought with knowing glances.
Sean mouthed “PMS.”
“What was that Sean?” Bonnie glared.
“Uh. . . nothin’ Well, I gotta go now, Josh said quickly easing out of the booth.
“Yeah, we’ll, um, we’ll see yah, Bonnie,” said Sean and the two of them took off.
Bonnie looked at Sophia, her evil eyes melted away into a careless grin. “Aaaah, finally some peace. Now, what was it I just did to get those buggers to leave?” Sophia relaxed and grinned.
“Um, I think it had something to do with their pride, or complete confusion” Sophia smirked.
“Great, I’ll have to remember that more often!” and Bonnie turned back around to pull out an unfinished essay to work on.
“Wow, she’s a piece of work. Is she your friend?” asked Adam.
“Yeah, actually best friend.”
“So she’s really sworn off guys huh? Is that a requirement to be part of your club?”
“Club? No it’s just Bonnie.”
“So you haven’t sworn off guys, or boyfriends have you?
“No,” Sophia said looking at him quizzically.
“Soooo. . . speaking of girlfriends and boyfriends, do you have one?” Adam asked, looking straight into Sophia’s eyes. That was quite a direct question, Sophia thought, but she thought she’d play along, it was all a game right?
“A girlfriend or a boyfriend? Hmmm well, Bonnie’s my girlfriend, or actually best friend. Boyfriend is an ambiguous word. What do you mean by boyfriend?”
He had a smirk on his face. He leaned forward on his elbows and clasped his palms together. He looked straight into her eyes.
“You know what I mean.” She rolled her eyes and admitted herself.
“Well, actually no, but I’m happily independent,” she replied, realizing that was a half truth. Hadn’t Jared just dumped her in a letter last week? She suddenly felt very self conscious. She was not doing well at playing his game.
Adam sensed she was uncomfortable. “Sorry, I can be blunt sometimes. As I said, giving people a hard time is what I do! Maybe you could teach me the art of good manners.”
“Are you serious? I’ve never met a guy who wanted to learn good manners.”
“You seem to be an expert on behaving well.”
“What do you mean? How do you know?”
“You just seem like a goody goody.”
“You know that has a negative connotation. Nobody wants to be called that.”
“I mean, you just seem like a ‘good girl.’”
“Oh, that’s not much better. You don’t know if I’m just a bad girl underneath.”
“I think that would be hard to believe, you’re always smiling. Nice to everyone, and there’s something about your eyes that’s different.
“Oh, yes, my eyes. Along with being a bad girl underneath my goody outer shell, I also have X-ray vision. Palease.”
“No I’m serious. You have amazing eyes, I can’t get enough of them. That was the first thing I noticed about you.
She looked at him incredulously. She had never heard a boy tell her that, not even her ex boyfriend Jared. He had a straight face this time and he was staring into her eyes, as if trying to uncover the mystery behind them. She felt the heat rising to her cheeks.
“So,” she said, looking away and tapping her fork on the tray, “do you like or hate good girls? Since I am one, I have to know upfront.”
“Oh don’t worry, I like good girls, he said with a smile edging back onto his face.
“Um ok.”
“What?”
“You just don’t seem like the type,” she said observing his black Rage Against the Machine t-shirt, the skull earring in his left ear, and, she would never mention this to him, but there was something different about his eyes too. It was as if she were staring into two pools in the dark, not able to see but a shimmer covering endless deepness.
“What do you mean? You think I’m a bad boy huh?” he asked looking hurt. “So you’re turning the name calling back to me huh?”
“Um no, I’m sorry. You know it’s my pet peeve when people make prejudgments about me but then I turn right around and judge everyone around me. I am a hypocrite, I’m so sorry,” Sophia apologized.
“See, there you go.”
“What?”
“You seem to have an objective view of yourself. Like you are able to take a step away from yourself to see what you are doing right or wrong. Like you’re self conscious of right and wrong. The rest of us are just self-conscious.” He seemed to be somewhat amazed by her at this point.
“Oh. Well, I’m just self conscious too.” And realizing she was saying just how she felt at that moment, made her blush crimson.
The lunch bell rang and Sophia jumped up startled. “Um I’ve gotta get to my Chemistry class, theres’ a pop quiz today.” She grabbed her tray to leave.
I’d still like to learn the art of, what is it called, etiquette. I still want to learn how you do it. How you pull off the goody goody act,” Adam asked.
“You can’t be serious.”
“I can, if I get to see you again.”
She raised an eyebrow. “We’ll see.”
“I’ll be waiting for your answer on Monday,” see you Monday.
Ok, yeah like when was she going to see him again? This school was so big. Probably lunch. Maybe he will forget about their conversation by Monday. She didn’t know if she ever wanted to see him again. Talk about bold. That was always annoying to her. People, especially guys who were too confident in themselves, it was almost like they had some great flaw they had to hide.
She walked quickly away and met up with Bonnie and Tanya who were also heading to Chemistry.
“I saw you talking to Adam. That looked weird. Skater Dude talking to you.”
“I know. It felt weird. Not that I’m self centered or anything, but he seemed to have a strange fascination with me.”
“Yeah that’s for sure!” Bonnie agreed, “you both were so engrossed you didn’t even notice when I tried to tell you that you had some food on your chin.” Sophia grabbed her chin. “Just kidding”
Bonnie sure did have a way with people Sophia thought. She took a deep breath trying to feel composed.
“Anyway, you seem to know Adam. What’s he like?”
“I don’t really know him. I just hear of him.”
“Oh, what do you hear, good stuff or bad stuff, or just ordinary stuff,” she said trying not to sound too interested.
“Oh well, do you remember Chris Crosswood?”
“No, but he did mention his name. He said he dropped out of school or something?”
“Yeah he was known as the biggest druggy in school, that is, until he dropped out last year. He was probably too stoned to ever do any studying, she said tragically.
“Anyway, the two of them, Chris and Adam were always hanging out together, and probably ditching out together.”
Bonnie opened the clanking locker door the two girls shared, and pulled out a binder.
“According to Bonnie’s life instruction book, those guys are losers with a capital L,” said Bonnie holding her thumb and finger up in the shape of an L on her forehead.
He didn’t seem too bad to her, she thought as they headed off to chemistry, except maybe in appearance, but otherwise he seemed pretty average. She did wonder in the back of her mind if Adam was into drugs but she didn’t want to make prejudgments about him. She subconsciously decided to give him more time before she just blew him off.
Monday, at the end of lunch, Sophia realized that Adam wasn’t around at all. Some people like to just talk, she thought, maybe that’s how Adam was. He talked on Friday like he was so sure he would be talking with her on Monday, Sophia almost expected it. Oh well, now she knew, he wasn’t a man of his word. So she chose to forget about him.
The following Tuesday after English Lit., Sophia, headed to the library to check out a couple books on stem cell research for her debate class, before heading to lunch. Their first real class debate would be coming up on Friday and she wanted to be prepared for the onslaught on the side she would be taking on the issue. So here she was at the dungeon of the school, simultaneously dusting and opening each book she touched in her last minute attempts at attaining the required five library sources.
She sat down cross legged on the repulsive orange industrial carpet that smelled of a thousand years of teenage feet. As she stared at the spines of several dusty books on a shelf, she felt a light tap on her shoulder, so light, she thought she imagined it. She ignored it and began to pull a book down. Another tap. She turned her head and jumped as she noticed a pair of Vans that had magically appeared beside her.
She looked up to see black baggy jeans garnered by a long chain leading to a deep pocket filled by a pale hand, a Black Sabbath t-shirt, a slight smile framed by dimples, deep set eyes, and unruly hair.
“Oh. Hi Adam” she said a little too loudly, as she attempted to stand up, but dropping her notebook. Adam quickly picked up her notebook.
“Sorry I wasn’t at school yesterday. But I’m back today. Now where did we leave off?” he asked.
“Um,” she replied trying to remember. Adam looked down at Sophia’s notebook in his hands.
“Adult Stem cells versus Embryonic Stem Cells, he read, as he flipped through her notebook as if it were his own. Very interesting. A highly controversial issue, so I’ve heard. You like a challenge then don’t you?”
“I don’t know. I thought it might be easier because I know my opinion on the subject, or I thought I did.”
“So what is currently your opinion on stem cells?”
“You really want to know?”
“Yeah, show me how your mind works.”
Sophia blinked at him who took her off guard. She looked down at her notebook in his hands.
“Well. . .” she took a deep breath, “initially I was against the idea of stem cell research because they do more harm than good. The only way I thought you could retrieve stem cells was from an aborted fetus. Which I am against, by the way. . .”
“Against what, abortion or fetuses?”
“Huh? Abortion, of course.”
“I’m just kidding, I know what you mean. Go on,” Adam encouraged amusingly.
“You really want to hear about this, Sophia asked uncertainly.”
“Yes, I do, it’s a habit to joke, even if I’m seriously listening. Seriously, go on.”
“Ok, if you insist.”
“I insist,” he said wiping the smile from his face. Sophia smiled and shook her head. He held his straight face.
“Ok” she said slowly, “anyway, I learned that there are several types of stem cells, and embryonic are the only type that are controversial, mostly because an embryo must be created and then destroyed to harvest the stem cells, wheras, the adult stem cells can be retrieved from the umbilical cord from a live baby after it is born. This causes no pain to either mother or child. So then I was reading about the healing stories as a result of harvesting stem cells and. . .”
Sophia stopped and looked at Adam for a response, worrying that he could care less about this subject.” He nodded his head for her to continue. “So anyway I’m supposed to prepare an argument against stem cell research, but the more I work on this assignment, the more I’m persuaded to support it. So it’s getting harder by the minute, you know what I mean? Oh, nevermind. I can tell this is boring you to death.” She paused and stared at him. He stood just staring at her with a slight smile. Sophia said, “you haven’t said anything for like two minutes.”
“It’s ‘cause I’m speechless. You continue to amaze me, you rock in music, you have amazing eyes, you’re nice, and now smart. What surprise will you come up with next?’ Adam said amazed.
“Oh please,” she said placing a loose strand of brown hair behind her ear. “This is for my debate class. We are having our first real class debate this Friday. I really want to be prepared. I’m not exactly the best arguer. There are some real persuasive kids in my class.”
“So why are you taking debate; I thought it was an elective,” Adam said handing her notebook back. She noticed his hand brushed hers for a split second in the exchange.
“Um, my dad said I should take debate to learn to state my views better and to strengthen my public speaking skills.”
“Wow, your Dad told you to? I don’t know too many Dads like that.”
“Yeah, he cares a lot about my education and grades and stuff.”
“So your dad thinks you need to learn how to state your opinion?”
“I guess I need to practice stating my opinions openly and with sound evidence. I’m not the best at stating my views, especially when there’s a stronger voice in the room. I tend to keep my mouth shut. I guess being verbally persuasive is a better description of what I lack. I guess I have a hard time making decisions too.”
“You seemed to tell me pretty well, just now, what your opinion is.”
“I did?”
“Yah, it’s like you couldn’t seem to stop either.”
“Well, maybe you’re just a good listener. I never do well, when there’s a louder personality in the room.”
“And I’m not loud!?” Adam asked raising his voice and holding out his arms?
“Ssshhhh! We’re in the library!” she said looking around, and noticing almost no one else in the library but the librarian, who eyed them suspiciously from behind her romance novel.
“I’m just kidding, I know what you mean. But I think you’re wrong.”
“What do you mean?
“Well you may not think you say your views very well, but you state them well in other ways, even to the point of persuading.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know, like your actions I guess. You’re somewhat mysterious in that way to me.”
“Who me?”
“Yeah. I’m curious to know what it is that makes you do what you do.”
“Oh.” Adam made her speechless, and the red began to quickly color her cheeks. This conversation was quickly turning serious. Sophia wasn’t sure she wanted to go there. There was a long pause. Sophia began nervously ruffling through her notebook.
Adam punched his palm and swore, piercing the dead air with his words.
“I’m such a freaking loser. I haven’t been here more than ten minutes and already you think I’m a crazed maniac stalker. I should take a hint when I see one. I’ll let you be. See yah ‘round.” Adam turned and quickly dragged his feet away.
“Wait!”, Sophia, who was almost floored by his sudden reaction, scrambled to pick up her books. The librarian slammed down her book, displeased. “Sorry,” Sophia whispered to her and ran to catch up to Adam. He stopped outside the doors and turned around surprised.
“I don’t think you’re a loser.” Sophia said as they walked toward the cafeteria.
“It’s ok, you don’t have to make me feel better. I’m sorry it’s just a bad day,” he said.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“Yeah.” He looked up into her face and his mood slowly lightened again.
She was becoming more curious about Adam by the minute. “So what brought you to the library today?” She hoped he hadn’t just followed her here. That would start to get a little weird.
“My English class was in the library today,” Adam said. Sophia eyed him suspiciously. “No I didn’t follow you in here. Now that would be a real loser. I don’t stoop that low. We were working on research papers. Whoo hoo!”
“Yeah really. It seems all English teachers are thinking alike, they want to assign research papers even before the first semester is over with.”
“Yeah really. But I suck at writing.”
“I don’t think it’s that easy for anyone, even the best writers probably have to spend a lot of time making their work perfect.
“But I really hate writing.”
“I do too. It’s really hard. But I’ve realized it’s way more fun to write about something you think is cool. I don’t know like hobbies or something.”
“Like I have any.”
“Well, you seem to have a certain taste in music.”
What? Compare and contrast alternative band lyrics? I laugh just picturing my teacher fainting from reading all the cuss words in my paper. . . That might be worth it!”
They arrived at the cafeteria already full of students eating and milling around. It wasn’t a particularly large room, her class of 2008 was only 250 students. So it seemed everyone knew eachother, and gossiped about eachother. She started to move toward the buffet area to move out of the line of eyes of friends at the band table. Second time being seen in public with Adam. They probably looked weird standing next to eachother. Goody-goody girl with goth guy, or whatever he was.
“Well, I’m gonna get some great cafeteria food!” Sophia said sarcastically.
“Yeah ok we’ll see yah,” Adam said. She watched him walk over to the vending machines and buy a pop and chips. I don’t know how anyone can live off of sugar water and grease, she thought, and then observed the cafeteria menu of fruit cocktail and pizza, and decided they were both equal.
Sophia sighed in relief that no one had seen them together as she watched him sit down at a nearly full table. She wasn’t in the mood to answer any taunting questions today about her choice in acquaintences. Though, she didn’t really choose him, he chose her. Anyway, she was also glad that Adam hadn’t pestered her about her so-called goody-goody act. It made her really uncomfortable talking about her religious beliefs with anyone. She knew that’s what he meant. She didn’t know too many people who were so-called goody-goody, who weren’t religious in her school unless they were super smart, and getting over 4.0’s per semester. She knew she wasn’t the latter. That was obvious, she was barely getting by with a C in American History, and the rest were a mixture of A’s and B’s. She didn’t go around flaunting her intelligence either, except for the recent spectacle Adam just coaxed from her about her debate topic. Anyhow she looked at it, he was trying to uncover the goodness she possessed, and if she let him, she would have to open up about her religion. She cringed at the thought. She preferred to show her religious beliefs by her actions than ever tell anyone that she was a Mormon.
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